sometimes
...sometimes the days drift from nothingness to somethingness with both ease and oddity. living in this body is strange.
always thinking "gotta get up" --- "gotta grow up" --- "gotta be of use somehow"...and then feel myself once again lying in the constant comfort and discomfort of bed. not functioning much lately. mail unopened. crazy hair. i do like these pajamas though.....comfy. tiny little flowers against a soft blue sea.
never thought i'd have so many nighties and jammies. especially since i'm not a nightwear designer. winter drifts on.........january is a cold time.
no candy holidays in january that i know of. can we establish a holiday every month for this? who can tell us no? who indeed!
kitty sits on top of the chair i sit upon.....taking a bath and every lick of his little tongue annoys me to no end. is this unkind? dunno, just wish his bath could be succinctly silent. i invite him to step offa my chair......lick somewhere's else catto.
somebody's gotta tell 'em........otherwise how would he know? .........drifting along at 7 am. sam got back from LA safely.......sick, but safe. a bug. not fun or fair. rio is dancing around my feet complaining about life in general. oh rio...........it ain't that bad!
i wish he would do the dishes, he wishes i would open a can of pate. we all want things. annie is somewhere ... lately her favorite spot is on top of the snowy white throw draped across the sand colored couch. rio is rubbing my legs. i want to be alone. sort of. obviously not alone alone or i wouldn't be up and sitting here at journal central.
i got one of those eveready stretchy band dealios........tried using it in bed. to stretch my arms and legs. it's not bad.....feel fairly uncoordinated after being a wonky body for so long. i just had my first taste of pink naval oranges. pretty tasty.
the frig is humming a little song, comforting. it's very dark out still......and quiet. rio can't settle down. he wants the top of the chair as badly as i want him to go somewhere else. "funny human", says he, "funny cat", say i.
we all need space from time to time. i dreamed that i kissed a handsome stranger. it was very nice, intriguing, worth repeating. so we did.......kiss again. we were in a pub......at first i thought i was in ireland, but there was no irish accent.....no celtic music. there was plenty of sports talk......stats about favorite players. friendly arguing about who would win the pennant......and lots of talk about who was the best player ever. of course one happy drinking man insisted that there need be no talk as his man was THE MAN. THE BEST EVER.....no others need apply. The stranger was the bartender. Dark hair, warm eyes......friendly, busy........good at his job. it wasn't a make out kiss.......it was one of those firm quick mouth to mouth kisses. felt right.
can't help but think i started this dream from the awake position yesterday. thinking about marriage. thinking what if i got married by the time i reach 65? random, but real. could dating and a future kiss be anywhere in the realm of reality for an almost 60 year old woman with chronic illness? hard to say, if it's up to me, the kisses will remain in my dreams.......but on the other hand, how much more pleasant sleep will be if this kissing should continue. i rarely think of it anymore.......but now i am. right now........it won't last long, but it does give me hope that i think maybe someday i can have a relationship of my very own.......to share with another kind person who apparently kisses nicely. laughing here.........
the mind jumps from place to place. i watched battlecreek. not bad. could be better, wonder if it will be brought on for another season or if it got cancelled. i like watching 13 episodes in succession via netflix.......
it's nice, sitting here in the dark. peaceful.......pleasant. ...craving an ihop buttermilk pancake. just one. it's been a hundred and fifty years since i had one. what to do they do to create that wonderful flavor, ok, duh yeah, buttermilk.........but they are so yummy. now i want bacon.
why can't cats cook????
lately i've been eating one meal a day. meat, fruit.....a little rice and veg. later a bit of dessert. maybe i can stay awake long enough to scramble eggs? maybe?????? maybe!!!! protein is a good thing. i've wondered if it would help me to get and or take caffeine tablets. i don't drink any thing with caffeine, but wonder if taking a tablet once or twice a day would be give more time awake? not alot of caffeine, low dose would be more than enough. but i doubt they sell it that way. not a reality thought, more of a vague curiosity. and probably a lot cheaper than the wakey wakey drugs they put me on before. rio is driving me a little nutso ......brring and purring, rubbing my legs. i am not a morning person. at all.
i ease into daylight with a nap or two. not a raring to go scramble up the tree to see the world in the AM. nuh uh. quietly, gently.........reluctantly, slowly and steadfastly come to the day.........by noon or later is fine by me. rio gets more insistent. seriously rio? please be a good kitty and back off.
rio is anxious by nature. not sure why. he has always been this way since i adopted him a few years ago. when i get out of bed he cries......he wants me back down so he can snuggle in and feel just right. and then he thinks it might be food time.......so now he has something else to cry about. nonstop crying......until i lie back down or put the bowl down. how can this situation be changed? annie is calmer.......much more adult about life in general. she knows that i will always feed them, she trusts the process. rio on the other hand is loudly sure that i will not remember.......every day brings the reality that i will surely forget to give him food. or that i will forget to go to bed........or rest. or nap...
you'd think by now he'd know me a little better.......but he is so present in the moment that he has become uncertain not reassured. it takes time rio........trust me, it takes time to lean in and learn to trust life.......even if only a little. that little can help to sustain a person from day to day.
sometimes all we can do is ten seconds more. and then start again........1, 2, 3. 4, 5, 6, 7.......8.......9.........10. and that is enough....so just do the ten seconds until you can do more. and when you can't do more again, try the ten second method again. you're enough, it's enough. tired now, maybe eggs will happen at 9:30........a nap sounds really good.
stay warm, treat yourself to some lotion........winter can really dry the skin and if you live down under and it's summer, lotion is still nice........the soft scent can be so relaxing. for all of us. i love ann taylors sugar vanilla.......but they don't make it anymore. sadding. i have little less than a half a bottle left and feel like i'm in mourning for this wonderful scent. silly, but true. it's delicious and feels so good on the skin. a treat.........
sleepy in the south, time for this little sparrow to tuck in her wings and slumber. xoxo.
always thinking "gotta get up" --- "gotta grow up" --- "gotta be of use somehow"...and then feel myself once again lying in the constant comfort and discomfort of bed. not functioning much lately. mail unopened. crazy hair. i do like these pajamas though.....comfy. tiny little flowers against a soft blue sea.
never thought i'd have so many nighties and jammies. especially since i'm not a nightwear designer. winter drifts on.........january is a cold time.
no candy holidays in january that i know of. can we establish a holiday every month for this? who can tell us no? who indeed!
kitty sits on top of the chair i sit upon.....taking a bath and every lick of his little tongue annoys me to no end. is this unkind? dunno, just wish his bath could be succinctly silent. i invite him to step offa my chair......lick somewhere's else catto.
somebody's gotta tell 'em........otherwise how would he know? .........drifting along at 7 am. sam got back from LA safely.......sick, but safe. a bug. not fun or fair. rio is dancing around my feet complaining about life in general. oh rio...........it ain't that bad!
i wish he would do the dishes, he wishes i would open a can of pate. we all want things. annie is somewhere ... lately her favorite spot is on top of the snowy white throw draped across the sand colored couch. rio is rubbing my legs. i want to be alone. sort of. obviously not alone alone or i wouldn't be up and sitting here at journal central.
i got one of those eveready stretchy band dealios........tried using it in bed. to stretch my arms and legs. it's not bad.....feel fairly uncoordinated after being a wonky body for so long. i just had my first taste of pink naval oranges. pretty tasty.
the frig is humming a little song, comforting. it's very dark out still......and quiet. rio can't settle down. he wants the top of the chair as badly as i want him to go somewhere else. "funny human", says he, "funny cat", say i.
we all need space from time to time. i dreamed that i kissed a handsome stranger. it was very nice, intriguing, worth repeating. so we did.......kiss again. we were in a pub......at first i thought i was in ireland, but there was no irish accent.....no celtic music. there was plenty of sports talk......stats about favorite players. friendly arguing about who would win the pennant......and lots of talk about who was the best player ever. of course one happy drinking man insisted that there need be no talk as his man was THE MAN. THE BEST EVER.....no others need apply. The stranger was the bartender. Dark hair, warm eyes......friendly, busy........good at his job. it wasn't a make out kiss.......it was one of those firm quick mouth to mouth kisses. felt right.
can't help but think i started this dream from the awake position yesterday. thinking about marriage. thinking what if i got married by the time i reach 65? random, but real. could dating and a future kiss be anywhere in the realm of reality for an almost 60 year old woman with chronic illness? hard to say, if it's up to me, the kisses will remain in my dreams.......but on the other hand, how much more pleasant sleep will be if this kissing should continue. i rarely think of it anymore.......but now i am. right now........it won't last long, but it does give me hope that i think maybe someday i can have a relationship of my very own.......to share with another kind person who apparently kisses nicely. laughing here.........
the mind jumps from place to place. i watched battlecreek. not bad. could be better, wonder if it will be brought on for another season or if it got cancelled. i like watching 13 episodes in succession via netflix.......
it's nice, sitting here in the dark. peaceful.......pleasant. ...craving an ihop buttermilk pancake. just one. it's been a hundred and fifty years since i had one. what to do they do to create that wonderful flavor, ok, duh yeah, buttermilk.........but they are so yummy. now i want bacon.
why can't cats cook????
lately i've been eating one meal a day. meat, fruit.....a little rice and veg. later a bit of dessert. maybe i can stay awake long enough to scramble eggs? maybe?????? maybe!!!! protein is a good thing. i've wondered if it would help me to get and or take caffeine tablets. i don't drink any thing with caffeine, but wonder if taking a tablet once or twice a day would be give more time awake? not alot of caffeine, low dose would be more than enough. but i doubt they sell it that way. not a reality thought, more of a vague curiosity. and probably a lot cheaper than the wakey wakey drugs they put me on before. rio is driving me a little nutso ......brring and purring, rubbing my legs. i am not a morning person. at all.
i ease into daylight with a nap or two. not a raring to go scramble up the tree to see the world in the AM. nuh uh. quietly, gently.........reluctantly, slowly and steadfastly come to the day.........by noon or later is fine by me. rio gets more insistent. seriously rio? please be a good kitty and back off.
rio is anxious by nature. not sure why. he has always been this way since i adopted him a few years ago. when i get out of bed he cries......he wants me back down so he can snuggle in and feel just right. and then he thinks it might be food time.......so now he has something else to cry about. nonstop crying......until i lie back down or put the bowl down. how can this situation be changed? annie is calmer.......much more adult about life in general. she knows that i will always feed them, she trusts the process. rio on the other hand is loudly sure that i will not remember.......every day brings the reality that i will surely forget to give him food. or that i will forget to go to bed........or rest. or nap...
you'd think by now he'd know me a little better.......but he is so present in the moment that he has become uncertain not reassured. it takes time rio........trust me, it takes time to lean in and learn to trust life.......even if only a little. that little can help to sustain a person from day to day.
sometimes all we can do is ten seconds more. and then start again........1, 2, 3. 4, 5, 6, 7.......8.......9.........10. and that is enough....so just do the ten seconds until you can do more. and when you can't do more again, try the ten second method again. you're enough, it's enough. tired now, maybe eggs will happen at 9:30........a nap sounds really good.
stay warm, treat yourself to some lotion........winter can really dry the skin and if you live down under and it's summer, lotion is still nice........the soft scent can be so relaxing. for all of us. i love ann taylors sugar vanilla.......but they don't make it anymore. sadding. i have little less than a half a bottle left and feel like i'm in mourning for this wonderful scent. silly, but true. it's delicious and feels so good on the skin. a treat.........
sleepy in the south, time for this little sparrow to tuck in her wings and slumber. xoxo.
Replies
If the cat is irritating, just imagine a man. Sometimes I see old couples walking together hand in hand and get a clutch of jealousy but then I think that I go to bed, get up, fix meals, select programs, read books in a silent room and ,in general, do as I please, selfishly when and where and how I choose. I wouldn\'t mind a friend to spend time with, go out with, etc. if he would go home and wait until I called him again.
Hi, sweetie. You make me want to invest in some better PJ\'s. Mine have holes. I loved your man kissing dream. I\'ll just fill in Michael Fassbender and I\'m good. Get some good rest, my dear. Much love. Heather.
I\'m glad you had such a warm and fuzzy dream. Maybe its a sign up something positive in your future in the relationship department! One time I dreamed I was dating one of the young guys in the Abercrombie and Fitch ads. Great dream. I don\'t think my husband would approve. LOL. I saw a few episodes of Battle Creek when it first played on TV. I am a fan of the actor who played the scrappier cop. Unfortunately the show was cancelled. I like to binge watch, too. It helps me keep better track of the story lines and recurring characters. I lose the thread too easily from week to week.