So Tired
I am so tired. Tired of sleeping in my car, it's so uncomfortable and the heat is stifling. So tired of being homeless, but there is nothing that can be done about it. So tired of eating the horrible diet I have, I long for normal food. I am so tired of being alive, I wish every day I could die and have the whole thing over with. People say to hang in there and that there is hope for things to get better. They don't seem to understand that things have NEVER gotten better for me, they have ALWAYS gotten worse. And this is over a 53 year period of time. Things are worse now than they have ever been. Yet people have been telling me for years that things will get better. It's a flat out lie. I hate god so much for allowing me to suffer so horribly for so long. People say god loves me but that has not been the case. Love is an action, it's a verb, it's not some vague feeling. And god has not loved me at all in 53 years. God has merely allowed terrible things to happen to me, I believe god has the power to make things right if he chooses, but he hasn't done so. I hope when I die I will simply cease to exist, I hope I don't have to meet the god who didn't care for me while alive. I don't want god's love in heaven, I need it here while I am in hell. But god doesn't care. I hate him so much. I really really hope I die soon, life is unbearable.
Replies
have you spoken to social security attorney to see if they will help you try to appeal the SSD denial? I know they do it on contingency where when you get SSD they take a % of the $ you are awarded as back pay....I hope you will think of this and make a few lawyer telephone calls....sorry the car is not comfortable to sleep in as I once slept in mine but I got the reclining seat type car and it was a better thing...
did you check into YMCA? for Shower? keep in touch...hugs bill
I hear everything you are saying. A person has to be willing to help themselves. Think about reaching out for help. You obviously cannot do this alone.
Have you went to a church like I suggested in a prevous entry ?
a church sounds like a great suggestion
Heretic, You are letting your pride get in the way of getting help for yourself. Pride is great but not to the point of harming yourself. There is no shame in asking for a helping hand. I know how hard you work and I know how you persevere. I\'ve seen you down and come back again. You can do it again - just reach out to someone - anyone that can help you.
I love you - always have, always will.
I\'m so sorry for your troubles. I don\'t blame yo9u for being mad at god and I am not so sure there even IS a god, but if there is she is sure being stingy with an awful lot of people. But churches do like to help the downtrodden so maybe something to consider
i was reading ur jrnls to see if u had ssi. from one of the cmmts it says u were turned down. you must get a lawyer and fight the case. you will win with a lawyer. like billw said, they only get paid when they win. you don\'t need to pay up front.