I've had enough. I can't take the stress of working anymore and I surely couldn't handle the stress of homelessness again. I think about throwing myself in front of fast moving traffic, or taking my paycheck and buying a gun instead of paying rent, putting a bullet in my brain. Or waiting to get my meds refilled and then taking every pill I've got hoping it will kill me. With my luck I'd just end up sick. I think the bullet is the best way to go, but I'm scared of guns and scared of the thought of trying to buy one. But this has to end.
I hate being on the bipolar board and listening to all the people who don't have to work. People who still have places to live, and even partners who love them. I'd give ANYTHING to be that lucky - and they COMPLAIN! It makes me want to SCREAM! Life is so unfair, if I had what these people had I'd be grateful and ENJOY every single fucking minute of every day. But the universe didn't give those blessings to the person who would APPRECIATE them. The universe blesses people who call their lives shit and say they want to die. If I had what they have I sure as hell wouldn't want to die
But I don't have the luxuries these people have. I do without the luxury of not having to work, of still having a home to live in, of having a partner who loves me. And I want to die so badly I ache. I'm too sick to work and no one seems to understand that. I can't get disability because the free clinic I go to won't evaluate for it. It would take too long to get anyway. I need to stop working NOW. And when I do homelessness will follow within the week. So I think I'll go for the option of taking all my meds at once. If I end up a vegetable I at least won't have to work anymore.
I HATE working so badly, I don't have the words to express it. I sure hope I die soon. One more week and I'll have my meds refilled. It makes me cry to think of working one more week. I hate life so badly. Life is so Unfair.
I hate being on the bipolar board and listening to all the people who don't have to work. People who still have places to live, and even partners who love them. I'd give ANYTHING to be that lucky - and they COMPLAIN! It makes me want to SCREAM! Life is so unfair, if I had what these people had I'd be grateful and ENJOY every single fucking minute of every day. But the universe didn't give those blessings to the person who would APPRECIATE them. The universe blesses people who call their lives shit and say they want to die. If I had what they have I sure as hell wouldn't want to die
But I don't have the luxuries these people have. I do without the luxury of not having to work, of still having a home to live in, of having a partner who loves me. And I want to die so badly I ache. I'm too sick to work and no one seems to understand that. I can't get disability because the free clinic I go to won't evaluate for it. It would take too long to get anyway. I need to stop working NOW. And when I do homelessness will follow within the week. So I think I'll go for the option of taking all my meds at once. If I end up a vegetable I at least won't have to work anymore.
I HATE working so badly, I don't have the words to express it. I sure hope I die soon. One more week and I'll have my meds refilled. It makes me cry to think of working one more week. I hate life so badly. Life is so Unfair.
Replies
What job do you have again? Instead of getting full disability why don\'t you go(assuming that you haven\'t) to your nearest labour department & ask them to evaluate you. You should be protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act or ADA. It\'s not quite disability, but it\'s a federal law that I\'ve heard a lot about. I was going to take my own advice since I was supposed to move out of state, but that has failed for the time being. Heretic, why don\'t you go and see if they can help you. Here\'s a website http://www.ada.gov/
If you have any specific questions I can ask my friend, he\'s a lawyer, although he does not practice. My knowledge on this is still quite limited, but if it is an option for me, then it has to be one for you.
I understand where you are at n life. How well I understand, and I won\'t say to you things which have been said to me about quotes. I know where you are are in your life and your pain because I walk those streets too. I always have to worry even though I work. My disability was denied because they said even though I am disabled and it does affect my job I can do less stressful jobs.
I have even been trying to find a roommate, but to no avail. I am sorry you are going through such a stressful time, and yes, working is hard especially when I see my neighbor who draws disability because of her alcohol and I can\'t draw and I have Parkinsons. However, I can\'t worry about what others get or have because I am busy just trying to stay above water. Hugs to you and again, I am sorry for your pain.
heretic check this out...your free clinic does not need to do an eval on you...when you submit online you tell the SS office where your records are and they request them....so if it is in your records it is already there to file for disability go online and file...then appeal when or if it is denied then get a lawyer....it does take time...I am still waiting to hear on mine...I am not sure how long I will wait or how soon I will be denied....
Ada as I understand it is not a disability, but it can help you keep your job, I.e the employer has to make certain accommodations for you. Like I said I don\'t understand very well how Ada works because I haven\'t studied it yet, but if you have any questions I can phone my friend who does know. The Ada is federal law so it applies everywhere in the U.S. Good luck & thanks for the hug. I will write you tomorrow with a few questions of my own...regarding my own issues.
EACH year tens of thousands of people in the United States alone attempt to take their own life. The Bible gives a fundamental reason why many are in such a state of despair. It explains that we live in critical times hard to deal with. People feel the pressures of life with great intensity. (2 Timothy 3:1; Ecclesiastes 7:7) When a person is overwhelmed by lifes anxieties, he may contemplate suicide as a means to escape pain. What can you do if you have had such thoughts?
You Are Not Alone!
Even though your situation may seem desperate, remember that you are not alone and that sadly nearly everyone is coping with some type of problem today. The Bible states: All creation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together. (Romans 8:22) While in the short term it may seem that your problem will never be resolved, things often do improve with the passing of time. In the meantime, what can help?
Share your feelings with a mature, trusted friend. The Bible says: A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress. (Proverbs 17:17) The righteous man Job, described in the Bible, opened up to others during his period of turmoil. When he felt what he referred to as a loathing toward my life, he stated: I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul! (Job 10:1) Confiding in others can diminish the intensity of your emotions, and it may give you a fresh perspective on the problems you face.*
Pour out your heart to God in prayer. Some have the idea that prayer is just a psychological crutch, but the Bible says otherwise. Psalm 65:2 calls Jehovah God the Hearer of prayer, and 1 Peter 5:7 says: He cares for you. The Bible repeatedly stresses the importance of relying on God. For example:
Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your paths straight.PROVERBS 3:5, 6.
The desire of those fearing [Jehovah] he will perform, and their cry for help he will hear, and he will save them.PSALM 145:19.
This is the confidence that we have toward him, that, no matter what it is that we ask according to his will, he hears us.1 JOHN 5:14.
Jehovah is far away from the wicked ones, but the prayer of the righteous ones he hears.PROVERBS 15:29.
If you tell God the difficulties you face, he will provide help. For good reason, the Bible encourages you to trust in him at all times . . . Before him pour out your heart.Psalm 62:8.
When More Is Needed
Studies reveal that most people who take their life have a history of depression.* This underscores the fact that medical attention may be necessary. A physician may prescribe medication or recommend dietary adjustments. In some cases, a program of exercise is an effective supplement to treatment. Professional medical care has proved beneficial to many.*
The Bible contains much information that can give you support and hope. For example, at Revelation 21:4, the Bible says regarding Jehovah God: He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away. This is a divine promise, and meditating on it can provide relief.
Jehovahs Witnesses are sharing this Bible-based hope with millions of people around the world. As a result, many are finding genuine hope in these distressful times. For more information, contact Jehovahs Witnesses in your area by visiting your local Kingdom Hall, or write to the appropriate address on page 5 of this magazine. You can also visit our Web site www.watchtower.org.
[Footnotes]
Some have received help by calling a suicide-prevention center or a mental-health center.
For more information on depression, see the July 2009 issue of Awake! pages 3-9.
Awake! does not endorse any particular treatment. Each individual should carefully evaluate his options before making a personal decision.
HELP FROM THE BIBLE
Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6, 7.
I inquired of Jehovah, and he answered me, and out of all my frights he delivered me.Psalm 34:4.
Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.Psalm 34:18.
He is healing the brokenhearted ones, and is binding up their painful spots.
IF YOU HAVE THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE . . .
Pour out your heart to God in prayer
The website offered in the article above has been changed to:
jw.org
You can go there for information on contacting Jehovah\'s Witnesses in your area.
You pain is expressed to deeply here.
I know how you struggle, I know how you long for love and some peace in your life .
PLEASE do not kill yourself ,you may not see it, but your ife has meaning and purpose !
Like the poster above me said , you can go online and apply for SSDI.
Sending hugs and prayers for you
Hi heretic, I know I am one of the ungrateful ones who has so much compared to you and is still deeply unhappy. I acknowledge your pain. Do you think you have the energy to look into some of the suggestions people have posted here? Big hugs
I understand. I wish I didn\'t, but I do. My life has been one fight after another from birth. The positive/negative scale is completely unbalanced.
I fight my thoughts of how unequal bad things are passed around in life daily because, you know, everyone says you can\'t compare yourself to others. When the gap is like the Grand Canyon though, that becomes almost impossible to do, and I really don\'t know how to help it other than being a stubborn hardass that refuses to let life \"make\" me do anything I haven\'t chosen of my own free will, and not something I feel I\'ve been pushed into.
On assistance, I thought what you are on disability, but there came a time when I was incapable of doing my job on any level so the choice for disability was not really a choice, but the only option. I never believed before that there can actually be a time when a person is literally incapable of something.
I don\'t know your insurance set-up, but I was able to file short-term disability, and then long-term disability through my employer, and am now filing for SSDI. If you have this sort of insurance, I highly suggest you use it before you lose it because you can\'t maintain your production standards.
Granted, I\'ve had to completely re-evaluate my life, priorities, hobbies, etc. Sometimes that\'s all you can do - start from scratch or quit life. I\'m hoping for now you\'ll opt for the only one here that can lead to happiness.
BTW...about JW reference, curious where that came from if you don\'t mind sharing. I ask because I have my own experience there, and want to make sure I don\'t step on any toes for lack of knowledge.
my mama told me there would be days like these...