Sorry guys, I have not been on for a few days, I had a crash and burn session on Sunday night. IT WAS BAD!!!! It was as if  the traumas of the last 13 years suddenly downloaded on me and took me like an undertow. I felt fine most of the day or at least as fine as I feel on most good days. It took very little to set the download in motion, you know the last straw broke the camel's back. Well, I'm the camel!!!

The last 13 years has been filled with negative events in my life and the stress level has been very high. Most of the time I try to suck them up but there are times that the ballon bursts and it all comes out. Much of my trauma comes from my daughter. It started in 1995. My daughter was at a sleep over party, in a tent in one of the girl's yard, ther was three of them. At some point the girl that lived there went inside to sleep. she had an older brother that had three friends over and even though they were only 17 they had been drinking heavily. The guys left later but came back and went into the tent. My daughter was raped at knife point!!!! She came home the next day a totally different child, like Jeckle and Hyde. she had always been a very happy child but she now was distant and never smiled or laughed. Her eyes were emotionless. We tried talking to her to find out what was wrong. she said " Nothing". It was soon evident we needed a counselloe to help us but she would not open up. Then in Dec. I got a call from the scholol counsellor for me to come right down because Danielle had convided in her about the rape and the police were all ready there. Well, after that it was a downhill spiral. she started drinking and smoking pot. not coming home at cerfew sometimes not at all!! I took aparenting course to deal with troubled teens but no matter what I did it made no difference. There were many troubling events during this time in our house. We didn't dare go out at night for fear she would do something. The first night out for us was In mid Jan. We went to a show and Dani was suppose to be at a hockey game. While at the show the manager came at got us because my father was there to get us. It turned out that my home had been broken into. when I went home the house was a mess and 2 windows broken. I flipped out because I knew she had done it. she admitted to having some friends to help her. This was the end of my compassion. We signed papers to have here admitted to a facility that deals with out of control teens.But since she was over 12 she had to sign too or they would not accept her. Anyway she ran away from there 4 times and I would get the midnigh call that she had hit the road. the place was an hour and a half drive so all we could do was wait. She would turn up the next day. Every outting was longer than the last. Finally, When she ran the last time I refused to talk to her on the phone. Three days later her counsellor called and said we really needed to talk to Dani. When I did she was sobbing her heart out, the first emotion since August. She asked me to come and get her, this was a Mon. I said I'd be there Fri.. Anyway, she came home but we spent many years with trials and tribulations. It was a long.... hard.... road!!! It was never easy. Even now at the age of almost 23 she still puts stress on me. I won't go into that.

There has also major events in our lives but I have given you enough to digest!! Lets just say my life has not been a bed of roses. My meltdown was a culmination of these things. All it took for this to happen were two minor events!!!! My world came crashing down. My hubby was completely shocked when he found me upstairs crying my eyes out, I could barely talk. We talkied and he was going to try to take on more of the responsibilities even though he does a lot now. He is marvelous!!!!

Thanks to all of you who take their time to read this long... journal. Be well , Debbie