Not feeling the greatest today, it actually started yesterday around suppertime. I had a pdoc appointment and my counsellor comes in with me. This is good because she gets to hear what he says and we discuss it at our next meeting. She also offers insights into our sessions together with him. He left my meds the same for another month. I have to go for bloodwork in ten days, I hate needles. Even though I know it's only a quick pinch, it freaks me out I get all anxious and panicy. Anyway, for some reason I got a little depressed when I came home, don't know why I had been having a fairly good day. Anyway I did something really.... stupid. I had 2 fairly strong margaritas and a glass of green apple wine. I don't drink much usually and I know better than to drink if I'm feeling down because it just makes everything worse and sure enough it did. About an hour after having them I'm feeling really depressed and crying my eyes out. My hubby wasn't dur home til 8:00 or so. I went up to bed at 7:00 and took my pills. That was it I was out for the night. didn't even hear my hubby vcome to bed nor did I see him this morning. I feel bad about not seeing him and now that's upsetting me. STUPID,STUPID,STUPID!!!! I deserve what I've got!!!
This morning I scrubbed the whole kitchen down with javex and it's really clean. Then I put on a loaf of Maple Bread in the breadmaker machine, it's absolutely delicious. Of course for the average person it would be rather expensive to make because it uses 3/4 cup of pure maple syrup, not the artifically flavored maple like Aunt Jemima. It's okay for us as we have a large maple woods with over 35 000 taps. We sell to stores.
My new books just arrived from my book club. They are by Sylvia Browne. I would highly recommend her books. They are very uplifting. The only problem is that I can only read a little bit at a time because I lose focus, somedays I can't read at all. I find this depressing because I was an avid reader. Give me a good book, a couch and my coffee and I'll read all day, sometimes finishing an entire novel!! Someday maybe I'll be able to do that again for now I have to be content with a little everyday.
Anyway, I'm starting to feel another crying fit coming on so I'll sign off. Be well, Debbie
Replies
I too hate needles, they freak me out. Never liked them and never will! As for the drinking I\'m right beside you. You have to remember yesterday so whenever you get the urge you can think back to the way you felt. I don\'t think we will do that anytime soon, actually I will never do it again. Don\'t beat yourself up because you didn\'t see your husband yesterday nor this morning, all that does is to bring you down even more. Enjoy your books and I will pray for you. Take care!
Hi Debbie, I don\'t like needles either, I always get a little panicky at the time. I don\'t drink but when I used to I would get depressed. Don\'t be so hard on yourself my dear, you have a super husband and from what you say about him, he understands you. So give yourself a break, ok? Take care, hugs Cathy
I agree with Cathy. Don\'t be so hard on yourself. Having a drink now and then is something most of us enjoy. I pay dearly if I drink, but I still like to have a sip of wine once in awhile. I usually get really bad headaches. I hope the depression lifts soon. It is so difficult to deal with. Has the hummingbird come back? I\'ll be thinking about you. Hugs and more hugs. Donna
I know everyone isn\'t an alkie like me, but I just thought I\'d mention the alcohol is a depressant, too. And drinking while on psych meds is a BIG no,no. Ok I get off my soap box now...(LOL) anyway, hope today is a better one for ya, cause you deserve it. ((hugs & LYLs)) Love & Light be w/You, Shellie
soberSg, I all ready knew that alcohol is a depressant that\'s why I said it was stupid of me. But thanks for the reminder. Be well, Debbie
Although I haven\'t been drinking ~you lush~ LOL. I have been crying a lot too. We feel the way we feel, and sometimes it sucks. On a good note, That is what has brought us all together. :). Your Husband will understand I just know it. You are so awesome Debbie, and I hope you start feeling better soon.