Whew!
Last week was a very bad week of mania. It was so hard to sleep and I was cranky and irritable the entire week. Perhaps it was the stress of the holidays adding to it. It seemed every day I had a migraine. It's hard to be restless and have a migraine. Of course, my case worker decided to drop in unexpected although I've asked her to call first so I can at least be dressed. It was a good thing I had gone to my doc earlier in the day so I was dressed. Blood sugar still out of line. It's better than it was, but, not where it should be. My meds are effecting it, I bet although they aren't supposed to. I have lost 15 lbs according to my scales. Funny, I heard somewhere that loosing weight would help blood sugar. It hasn't. It is odd though, the one pair of jeans I kept from 15 years ago fit better than all my other jeans. That's the best thing about jeans, they don't go out of style too badly. If I could loose 60 more pounds I would be happy. I don't want to get down too small as I would hate having all that excess skin. I would have it as in the past 4 years, I've lost over 100 lbs. Mind you, most of that in the past two years. Drinking 64 oz of water a day and limiting calories has really helped. Now, if I could ever learn to exercise. I hate it as it's so boring.
I'm gonna go back and try the sleep thing again. Was so tired went to bed before 10 only to wake up at 2. Until about 1, I was dead to the world but after 1, I started tossing and turning. Likely will see my cousin today. I don't know her anymore, well not like I used to as a kid. She's gotten ultra right wing and very religious. Not looking forward to it. Feel obligated though.
Of course, my ex is in town with his new wife. My son put a 'family' picture up on his facebook and I didn't recognize my ex at all until I read the name. I am so glad I am away from him. I bet he doesn't beat his new wife (like he did me) as it looks like she's the type to slug him if he tried. I wish her well. He's gotten old looking and I still look a decade younger than I am. People don't believe me when I say I have two sons in college. The thing I /am/ recognizing is he has no power over me anymore. This is good as if I were to ever meet a good man, I won't hold what the ex did against the new one. But, it's very hard to meet a good man if you can't leave the house. *sigh* I suppose online will have to do. Let me loose that 60 lbs so I feel-well, I know there are men who like larger women, but-I don't like myself and that would only attract the wrong kind of person. I need to be able to like myself and accept myself first. Then, I'll look for some guy to be a friend as all good relationships start off as friendships. A friendship to grow into something more. I want a man who will love, support and encourage me, not one like the ex who abused me in every way possible. I don't think I'm really asking for that much.
I'm gonna go back and try the sleep thing again. Was so tired went to bed before 10 only to wake up at 2. Until about 1, I was dead to the world but after 1, I started tossing and turning. Likely will see my cousin today. I don't know her anymore, well not like I used to as a kid. She's gotten ultra right wing and very religious. Not looking forward to it. Feel obligated though.
Of course, my ex is in town with his new wife. My son put a 'family' picture up on his facebook and I didn't recognize my ex at all until I read the name. I am so glad I am away from him. I bet he doesn't beat his new wife (like he did me) as it looks like she's the type to slug him if he tried. I wish her well. He's gotten old looking and I still look a decade younger than I am. People don't believe me when I say I have two sons in college. The thing I /am/ recognizing is he has no power over me anymore. This is good as if I were to ever meet a good man, I won't hold what the ex did against the new one. But, it's very hard to meet a good man if you can't leave the house. *sigh* I suppose online will have to do. Let me loose that 60 lbs so I feel-well, I know there are men who like larger women, but-I don't like myself and that would only attract the wrong kind of person. I need to be able to like myself and accept myself first. Then, I'll look for some guy to be a friend as all good relationships start off as friendships. A friendship to grow into something more. I want a man who will love, support and encourage me, not one like the ex who abused me in every way possible. I don't think I'm really asking for that much.
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