Stressed
Wow, it's only been about 2 months since I wrote my last journal. I feel like I'm more of a nervous wreck than I was near the beginning of the year. I know my brain is slowly getting worse though. I'm worse at playing video games, explaining things, and if I watch any kind of modern horror movie I'll be extremely terrified.
Anyway, work has been taking over my life. I've been asking for less hours, but that also means less money. My brain just cant keep up with the amount of work I have everyday. Just today I did at least 3 days of work in 4 hours. If I don't do it, then a ton of work is gonna be put on me after I come back from my days off. It's an endless cycle.
Been crying like everyday and I think of the worst things when a tiny thing happens. If a friend doesnt talk to me for a few days I feel like they hate me, if I dont talk to someone for a few days I feel like they hate me, I feel like I can't do anything right, I feel like a waste of space.
I'm just tired of the pain I constantly have while I live. I just want to end it all and I feel like I get closer and closer everyday. I've been seeing a counselor, but he suggest that I try to get better help and highly suggests that I should try antidepressants. But to do that I need money, to get money I need to work alot, but to feel ok I need to take a break from working or work less, but I need money. Half of my income is doing art commissions, but I've been feeling too shitty to do art. So I'm just trapped.
I'm also trying to move next year and trying to get a billion things done. It's just so much, I don't have time to recuperate from anything. Even when I'm waiting to go to work, I stress out so badly and idk why. I have the chance to relax and i spend my time being stressed out.
One of these days, my brain will just shut itself down from being overly stressed and fucked up.
Anyway, work has been taking over my life. I've been asking for less hours, but that also means less money. My brain just cant keep up with the amount of work I have everyday. Just today I did at least 3 days of work in 4 hours. If I don't do it, then a ton of work is gonna be put on me after I come back from my days off. It's an endless cycle.
Been crying like everyday and I think of the worst things when a tiny thing happens. If a friend doesnt talk to me for a few days I feel like they hate me, if I dont talk to someone for a few days I feel like they hate me, I feel like I can't do anything right, I feel like a waste of space.
I'm just tired of the pain I constantly have while I live. I just want to end it all and I feel like I get closer and closer everyday. I've been seeing a counselor, but he suggest that I try to get better help and highly suggests that I should try antidepressants. But to do that I need money, to get money I need to work alot, but to feel ok I need to take a break from working or work less, but I need money. Half of my income is doing art commissions, but I've been feeling too shitty to do art. So I'm just trapped.
I'm also trying to move next year and trying to get a billion things done. It's just so much, I don't have time to recuperate from anything. Even when I'm waiting to go to work, I stress out so badly and idk why. I have the chance to relax and i spend my time being stressed out.
One of these days, my brain will just shut itself down from being overly stressed and fucked up.
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