Back again!
Well I got a job again at McDonalds. I basically work at the drive thru or take orders at the front counter. I also make the McCafe drinks, Milkshakes, McFluries, and Smoothies. So, usually I ask to work in the mornings or afternoons because usually by night time my depression is worse and I get paranoid and anxious very easily.
I don't feel like a smart person either. I don't mean like someone who makes straight A's in school type of smart. Just general knowledge of things people should know. For some reason I feel like I have a very short term memory. I also have trouble with numbers in general, counting or doing some kind of math, even really simple math. I can do it, it just takes me a bit longer than it should take. Remembering which is right or left is difficult for me too. I know it's this way or that way, but I have to think hard if someone tells me to turn left.I also think I have a hearing problem and maybe a bit of a speech problem too. Like I slur my words and trip on my words a bit when I talk.
I just want to write a journal while I feel ok, because I really don't know how I'm gonna feel in the next few seconds. Just writing all the stuff before this sentence was really difficult for me to do because so many feelings are just too much for me. I feel like somewhat of a worthless person to myself since I can't help myself get over this.
I've been going through this for most of my life, almost as long as I can remember. It's not getting any better, but sometimes it gets worse. I don't really have anyone who really understand what this is like. I have one friend who is sort of similar to me, but not by that much. I've always felt like I'm alone with this problem. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it who will understand how it is to live like this.
Sometimes, I'm just fed up with everything and I'm too tired to keep myself sane and happy and just let myself get depressed. It's like i have to keep rebuilding a wall all day long and I just get tired of doing that. It gets worse if I don't look out for myself, even for a little bit. So, I just need a break from myself sometimes. I never get that to do that tho. I can never fully relax with myself.
I don't get violent much at all. I'm naturally a nice and helpful person, not a violent one. There has been alot that has happened to me in my life because of how I used to be when I was a kid. I had no idea about depression or any mental illnesses. I thought everyone felt depressed most of the day. I thought it was normal, until I started using the internet and learned more about things.
I really feel like crying everyday. Most of the time I feel like I'm on the edge of crying.
Besides all of that, I feel great that I got a job and hope to move out sometime. Being in this world is already hard enough for me, just having these problems are hard. I haven't even explained other things.
I hope to keep this job and do better. I also hope to move on better with this.
I don't feel like a smart person either. I don't mean like someone who makes straight A's in school type of smart. Just general knowledge of things people should know. For some reason I feel like I have a very short term memory. I also have trouble with numbers in general, counting or doing some kind of math, even really simple math. I can do it, it just takes me a bit longer than it should take. Remembering which is right or left is difficult for me too. I know it's this way or that way, but I have to think hard if someone tells me to turn left.I also think I have a hearing problem and maybe a bit of a speech problem too. Like I slur my words and trip on my words a bit when I talk.
I just want to write a journal while I feel ok, because I really don't know how I'm gonna feel in the next few seconds. Just writing all the stuff before this sentence was really difficult for me to do because so many feelings are just too much for me. I feel like somewhat of a worthless person to myself since I can't help myself get over this.
I've been going through this for most of my life, almost as long as I can remember. It's not getting any better, but sometimes it gets worse. I don't really have anyone who really understand what this is like. I have one friend who is sort of similar to me, but not by that much. I've always felt like I'm alone with this problem. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it who will understand how it is to live like this.
Sometimes, I'm just fed up with everything and I'm too tired to keep myself sane and happy and just let myself get depressed. It's like i have to keep rebuilding a wall all day long and I just get tired of doing that. It gets worse if I don't look out for myself, even for a little bit. So, I just need a break from myself sometimes. I never get that to do that tho. I can never fully relax with myself.
I don't get violent much at all. I'm naturally a nice and helpful person, not a violent one. There has been alot that has happened to me in my life because of how I used to be when I was a kid. I had no idea about depression or any mental illnesses. I thought everyone felt depressed most of the day. I thought it was normal, until I started using the internet and learned more about things.
I really feel like crying everyday. Most of the time I feel like I'm on the edge of crying.
Besides all of that, I feel great that I got a job and hope to move out sometime. Being in this world is already hard enough for me, just having these problems are hard. I haven't even explained other things.
I hope to keep this job and do better. I also hope to move on better with this.
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