Update
I have been hiding from the social networks lately. I celebrated... um... i "experienced", rather, my 36th birthday on the 12th. It sucked. I had to work, nobody did anything, I felt utterly angry and depressed. I took the job at the restaurant out of town, though I trained at the local one for a day. Now that I'm a month in, I feel like it suits me, though the season isn't lucrative financially. They tell me it'll be "big money" come summer... they definitely work my ass off, though. I am frustrated that I don't have time with my kids, to STUDY, to get the house in order. Here's a great big, "UGH..."
As far as the ex, he's still here. He was denied unemployment, and found a job but his checks have been miniscule so far. He's waiting for tax return money, and is utterly delusional about money. He thinks he can buy a 3D TV, furnish an apartment, pay his car insurance, cover his doctor bill and prescriptions on $8.50 an hour. He's basically an utter complaining asshole to me daily, but guilt trips me as he helps with some of the housework, for which I should be profoundly grateful.
Tonight he's going out and declared, "I won't be home". He says he's hanging with buddies, playing video games, etc, but also hitting the strip where the Ho's hang out and bar fights are the local entertainment. I know he doesn't make me happy, that it shouldn't matter anymore what the fuck, or who the fuck, he does... but there's still that tinge of jealousy there that he'll hook up and come floating through here as his "happy" self, the guy I get along with and suddenly feel we might be able to amend things, but it's inspired by another woman.
I guess the hardest part about all this is I had moved through the shock, the denial, the suicidal depression, and started to get close to acceptance....and then he moved back in. I'm in limbo. I want to move on, maybe even try to date, but he's the asshole on my couch. It's drawing to a close, this chapter. It just takes too damn long!!! It's like going through airport security... all this waiting and waiting and checkpoints... hoping to get to a place where you can relax and enjoy life for a fleeting moment. Bullocks!!
As far as the ex, he's still here. He was denied unemployment, and found a job but his checks have been miniscule so far. He's waiting for tax return money, and is utterly delusional about money. He thinks he can buy a 3D TV, furnish an apartment, pay his car insurance, cover his doctor bill and prescriptions on $8.50 an hour. He's basically an utter complaining asshole to me daily, but guilt trips me as he helps with some of the housework, for which I should be profoundly grateful.
Tonight he's going out and declared, "I won't be home". He says he's hanging with buddies, playing video games, etc, but also hitting the strip where the Ho's hang out and bar fights are the local entertainment. I know he doesn't make me happy, that it shouldn't matter anymore what the fuck, or who the fuck, he does... but there's still that tinge of jealousy there that he'll hook up and come floating through here as his "happy" self, the guy I get along with and suddenly feel we might be able to amend things, but it's inspired by another woman.
I guess the hardest part about all this is I had moved through the shock, the denial, the suicidal depression, and started to get close to acceptance....and then he moved back in. I'm in limbo. I want to move on, maybe even try to date, but he's the asshole on my couch. It's drawing to a close, this chapter. It just takes too damn long!!! It's like going through airport security... all this waiting and waiting and checkpoints... hoping to get to a place where you can relax and enjoy life for a fleeting moment. Bullocks!!
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