Hear Ye!! Hear Ye!!Teacher God is throwing a "School's Out" party!The circus tent is up, there's a scale model replica in my yard of a waterfall (into a small lake) seen on an island in the Caribbean so YES, of course there's white sandy beaches everywhere................Oh and I've time-warped some Munchkins in from OZ to preside over the festivities as they've got a lot of experience with over-sized soirées'.................and speaking of over-sized..........I was thinking of putting all the exotic animals I've invited in jumbo Pampers for the duration of the event; but the elephants started crying as they felt so humiliated by the thought of diapers and can you tell me of anyone who isn't a sucker for a crying elephant? So the "army of gardeners" is back on and they're scooping everything (included organic food waste from the party) into a couple of compost piles which means that even when the party's over we'll be spreading thefestivities around, so to speak, with countless others who enjoy watching a good thing grow! That means you will all be getting lion, tiger, ostrich, elephant and doggie "bags" as parting gifts. Just think of how wonderful your gardens will look this summer!As I stated in an earlier entry, this is a costume party and you are all to come as your favorite literary character. However, as I am the Mistress of the Manor and therefore in charge of said celebration, I reserve the right to keep my many "Hatted" persona in reserve as there will doubtless be many jobs to perform and many personalities required to perform them. Which means if you show up at the party using The Mad Hatter as yourcharacter it's........"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD"!And since we can't put protein in a compost pile, the head is not recyclable.As my literary reference, I have chosen a character and series that some would argue is more than just a little out of this world;although it refers to this world quite often! I am wearing a bathrobe, laying in the dirt in front of a bulldozer.............
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Ok, who am I? I\'m wearing business clothes because I am in charge of a railroad. But I\'m about to shed them and I am one character who actually might go naked to a party, since I have decided to shun convention. I may even invite my friend John to the party.
ARE YA\'LL SURE LADY GODIVA WASN\'T A HOOKER BECAUSE ALL THE TRICKS I WAS RIDIN SEEMED TO KNOW OF HER REPUTATION AND AS DR. KIMMIE I DIDN\'T HAVE A SOILED REP. UNTIL JANINE TALKED ME INTO BEING LADY GODIVA WITH OUT FIRST TELLING ME WHAT GODIVA\'S PLITE WAS, GIVEN THE FACT THAT JANINE CAN BE SMUTTY ON HER OFF HOURS WELL.... I JUST FIGURED... HMMMM... YOU SURE SHE WASN\'T FIGHTING FOR WOMENS RIGHTS TO BE AS YOU ALL WOULD PUT IT WHORES? I CAN\'T SEE RIDIN AROUND ON A HORSE NAKED( WITH HORSE ALLERGIES) FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN $$$$ BUT IT\'S (((0))) SO TRUE ABOUT WHORES OR BETTER PUT \"HOES\" DO HAVE TO DO A LOT OF FAKING WHILE ON THE JOB. \"O\" MY! SILVER IS CALLING... NO FAKIN THINGS WITH HIM!! AS DR. KIMMIE,MUNCHKIN, LADY GODIVA OR WHO EVER THE HELL SHE IS RIDES INTO THE SUNSET SINGIN ONCE AGAIN (((HIGH \"HOE\" SILVER AWAY!!!!!))))
OK NO MORE ABOUT SILVER AND LADY GODIVA THE TRICK RIDIN HOE....... LET\'S SEE WHO AM I GONNA BE?.........WHO EVER I DECIDE TO BE I\'M NOT HOPPIN ON THAT CAMEL I HAVE A LOT OF HAIR BUT I DON\'T THINK IT\'LL COVER ALL OF US, BESIDES I\'M STUCK IN A TOWER AND HAVE NO WAY OUT... THE ONLY THING I\'M SURE OF IS I HAVE A BED WITH MANY MATRESSES... AND THERE SEEMS TO BE A BIG LUMP IN THE MIDDLE... AND SOME OLE WITCH FED ME AN APPLE...7 LITTLE MEN BURIED ME ALIVE IN A GLASS CASE.... AND THEN WHEN I WOKE UP THIS OLE BAG AND HER 2 DAUGHTERS WERE MEAN TO ME AND MADE ME CLEAN THE FIREPLACE... AND.. AND.. THEN A GIANT HELD ME CAPTIVE TO PLAY A HARP FOR HIM... AND.. AND.. NOW I\'M LOCKED IN A HIGH TOWER AND DON\'T KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM OR HOW MANY ADVENTURES I\'VE BEEN ON BUT I THIINK I\'M SUPPOSE TO WAIT MY KNIGHT IN \"SILVER\" ARMOR OR PRINCE OR WHAT EVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL HIM TO COME RESCUE ME SOON OR GOD KNOWS I WILL SURELY JUMP FROM THIS TOWER TO MY DOOM..............
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO I AM?? AND WHAT THE HELL IS AN ((O))???AND SHOULDN\'T I BE A LESBIEN BY NOW?? I\'M GETTIN REAL TIRED OF WAITIN ON PRINCES AREN\'T YOU LADIES???
THERE DID I GET IT ALL IN THERE? DANGER, EXCITMENT, SUPPOSED DEATH, CAPTURE AND IMPENDING RESCUE AHHHH NOW I\'M DONE....... *K
Kimmie I think this is a case of RARE multiple personalities. Perhaps you were screwed by Walt Disney? I think the only one you missed was Bambi and his mom. Terrible story that one!
Poor Silver....I wonder if he knows you refer to him as a horse? Or is that stallion?
Camel\'s do trot and they spit so stay away from the front and please steer clear of the rear....Charlie makes Betsy\'s look like poople poop.
I shall adorn in a coiter, long black robe, and carry my guitar to the mountain top. I shall drive a cart drawn by one old nag. I shall use what is is site to sew clothes. HMMMMM. But I will tie Charlie to the cart for everyone\'s riding pleasure.
IF I HAVE TO RIDE A CAMEL I THINK I\'LL STAY IN MY TOWER..... I JUST DON\'T LIKE THEM THAR ANIMALS VERY MUCH.....KATHY SILVER LOVES IT WHEN I DO MY TRICK RIDIN ON HIM AND HIS FAVORITE PART IS WHEN I HOLLAR \"HIGH HOE SILVER AWAY\" AND SILVER\'S BOSS IS NAMED CHARLIE AND HE DEFINATELY NEEDS SOMEONE TO RIDE HIS BACK FOR A WEEK OR TWO, SO I MIGHT HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO PLOP MY BIG ASS ON HIM JUST TO BREAK HIM IN FOR THE REST OF YOU, AND DON\'T FORGET TO USE THE WHIP ON HIM.....
I MUST HAVE HAD SELECTIVE MEMORY WHEN I LEFT OUT THE BAMBI STORY, BUT I DON\'T THINK HE HAD TO WAIT ON A PRINCE TO COME AND RESCUE HIM THOUGH.... LOVE YOU ALL TA TA FOR NOW *K
MAN I SWEAR YOU\'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PARTY POOPERS AND KATHY\'S WORRIED ABOUT CAMEL POOP JANINE\'S WORRIED ABOUT ELEPHANT POOP WHY WORRY ABOUT THE ANIMALS POOP WHEN YA\'LL POOPED OUT ON THE WHOLE PARTY. YOU\'RE A BUNCH OF POOPIN HUMANS......IT\'S A GOOD THING I LOVE POOPIN HUMANS ISN\'T IT? *K
You left out the golden ball... wonder if Silver will believe you... I should leave explanations alone... join in the spirit of bewilderment... but... I just got to tell yall where that comes from... when I was a kid... a couple of years back... I used to deliver the newspaper... The Oklahoma Daily, Times and Sunday... and I am still kicking myself... I read my first dirty joke there... and I didn\'t save a copy... anyhoo... it was that really horrible little girl... her mom was telling her the story about the princess the golden ball...t he frog... the handsome prince... now to next window... that horrible child is laughing her fool head off... what\'s wrong the mom asks... don\'t you believe the story... the horrible child might have been horrible... but... she wasn\'t stupid... so... punch line... drum roll... etc etc etc... so the horrible girl says... \"no and I bet her mom didn\'t either...\" I know the lines to the joke especially the punch line have been skewed pretty badly... and since its 3am... I\'m too tired to fix it... all I can say... its like spaghetti sauce... its in there...
and just to be seen as a very deep thinker etc etc etc... I\'m going to wear a turban and I\'ll be expecting some major kowtowing...
After the party\'s over... wow is it over...
YUP.... PARTY POOPIN PEOPLE OVER, AND THAT IS THAT..... SO CALL IN THE POOP SCOOPIN TROOP!!!! AND ELISSA THEY INSIST ON POOP SCOOPIN TO YOUR RENDITION OF POOP SCOOPIN BOOGIE AND IT\'S IN THEIR UNION COTRACT THAT YOU HAVE TO SING IT... A 1 AND A 2 AND A 3 AAAAAND!
Geez I thought we were in the preparation process. What did I miss? Janine rode off with my camel, the giraffe is crying piteously...my Coiter is all in a bunch and now the party is over?
whoa... union contract... hmmmmm I need one of those... oh... good morning... I hope this isn\'t something like trying to awaken the dead... where is everybody.... I got to finish singin after the party\'s over... (yall know the next line???) after we\'ve had our fun... who\'ll be a fool to love you... ooo ooo oo... I\'m the one....
The problem with Poop Scooping Boogie... ... ... eek.... That\'s the only line.... I don\'t even know the rest of the song... alas... and it had such promise.... somebody get hold of Brooks and Dunn or we may never get all this poop out of here... maybe we should have put diapers on the elephants... hmmmmm elephants.... trunks... water hoses... hmmmmm I\'ve heard they work for peanuts.... \"Peanuts... hot nuts... get em from the peanut man... (another song...) ok yall if we can get the elephants to hose down the poop into the neighbor\'s pool... (give the neighbors some xanax or something to calm them down)... maybe Janine will start the party again... hmmmmmm there\'s a hose with a nozzle... now it has nothing like the power the elephants have... but maybe if I kind of show them how to get started... oh my its not a hose.... its...... get your minds out of the gutter... its a python... and I\'m not touching it.... LOL ok ok... I\'m leaving.... being drug away by those fellers who are trying to put that weird jacket on me with the straps and buckles... what the heck are these things guys... if they\'re the latest fashion craze I\'m not interested... I only wear clothes because the law requires it... I could care less about new fashions samashions.... ugggggh..... No I won\'t shut up... I\'m protected by .... the 2nd amendment... (think that\'s the right number...) Yall don\'t want to keep me... I get very contrary at times... I may take a squat on your desk.... or maybe in your coffee cup.... ahhhhhh being crazy can be very liberating...
I apologize girls.........
There\'s nothing poopier than a hostess poopin-out on her own party. I\'m afraid I rode out into the sunset on Kat\'s camel (you do seem to be my go-to \"party-supplier\" woman as witnessed by both hats AND modes of travel!) and neglected to return and tip the \"scoop-troop\" who left in disgust......... leaving the party grounds in a disgusting mess as it were! So again, I\'m sorry girls. Next time I\'ll do better.