Update

Sometimes, life is shit, and there really is no point in living anymore. I was looking for a reason to live for the past two years, and all I found were more reasons to die. 
That´s why no therapy, no pills, no inpatient facility will ever help me to get better. 
Because I´m not depressed at all; I´m being honest and realistic, and this has nothing to do with being mentally ill. In fact, I´ve never been more healthy in my life before. 
I´m not afraid of dying, I´m afraid of living. That life carries on like this. Pointless. Painful. You name it.