ugh

well, I went 12 days eating healthy, and I'm stilling staying strong on not hurting myself...
I couldn't cry at my great grandma's funeral, I wanted to, but now I just feel like I'm only supposed to show even emotions or no emotions..  I think that's why I binged at the end of the weekend, it felt like nothing mattered..
I haven't eaten or drank for two days, and it'll be at least a day or two more before I can look at myself in the mirror and actually think I look ok.