Ugh

I blew up this morning.  J doesn't like me calling early on Saturdays, but she knows I go to the library on Saturdays.  Anyway I gave her a list almost two weeks ago of over due items, I reminded her the other day and talked with the boys.  I talked to her after she left, the boys were home but she did not want me going by the house because step dad would be home latter, personally I think she is using him as an excuse.  Well I got off the phone and lost it.  My aunt, her mother asked me what was wrong and I blew up and her.  I am SO DAMN MAD at no one giving a shit about my feelings.  I am a person too!  I am paying the library fines and damn it money costs money.  So the aunt called her back and the stuff got left out on the porch. The boys are going to ask if they can go with me to church tonight.  I don't want to go alone.  I hate to admit it, I know it sounds weird, but in a family sense I have fallen in love with the boys.  I love to hold them, comfort them and listen to them.  I can't let this crap go on.  My boss has a friend who works with CPS and I am calling him monday because i have not been able to get the worker I had been talking with to call me back.  I am digging in my heels and not giving up.