I feel awful today.  I am having trouble getting going in the morning.  I use to be okay from 6-12, now I am not.  I am at work, but am barely making it.  I gave up trying to get myself through day by day, it now a six hour, by six hour regimen.  I am really feeling hopeless.    I saw my therapist yesterday and she thinks I act out and “fake” illnesses for attention.  I would rather hide in a closet to be honest.  For the first time since this has started I am really feeling backed into a corner, hopeless, wanting an undo key in life, and feeling like giving up.  It’s like I am a knight in the middle of a battle field and I am getting exhausted but the enemy is all around me and if I stop fighting for even a second it will all end.  There is a great song, On Faith Alone, by Robert Pierre, you can find it at, http://www.robertpierre.com/   under videos.  There is a line, “When I reach my final breath and I fall into your arms” Talking about falling into God’s arms, it really moves me.  I am not saying I am currently thinking about hurting myself, I just wish this fight was over and God would show mercy on me.  I have group with my horrid HMO tomorrow and a neutral group Thursday.  I have been Prozac since Friday, Trazadone for sleep for a month and have been on Valproic Acid for over a year for Cluster Headaches.  I don’t know if I can hold out for four weeks for the Prozac to take hold. Fighting like never before~DJ