Update
DDay for me was early November 2014. I haven't yet confronted CS about it. Why? I tend to react and then fold like a card table when met with his lies, manipulation, and persuasions. He is very good at making me feel sorry for him and guilty for whatever role I played. I'M already really good at feeling sorry for him and feeling guilty in general, so I have found that I lack resolve and backbone. To date, I am still trying to find a counselor for IC. Affordability is the issue. Same situation for legal consultation. Made an appointment and then learned that I wouldn't have the funds I thought I would have and have to cancel the appt. I plan to seek out some free legal consultation options.
Until I get these ducks in a row and figure out my next steps, I plan to not let him know I know. Reason is simple--I know I'll have a hard enough time confronting him when I have a firm plan and legal information. I'm so afraid to confront him. He's not violent; I just dread the emotional manipulation and guilt. I guess I'm also afraid that I will, as I have in the past, minimize the issue and deal with it. Also, it's really difficult because, in spite of everything, I really do love him. I don't understand how he can do this.
I found out he has an Ashely Madison account. Talk about a deplorable piece of rubbish. Tag line for the site: "Life is short. Have an affair." Are you kidding me?
For better or worse, the numbness is beginning to subside. Anxiety is, at time, paralyzing. Part of me just wants to throw my hands up, yell, 'forget it,' and just continue on with the status quo. But if I do that, it will eventually eat me alive. Where is the anger? Where is the rage? I feel that these would help my resolve and propel me further in this process. But,I can't cry. I can't get angry--at least, not more than a little and that often passes very soon.
So, I guess I just wanted to ask how some of you did it? How did you confront them? All responses are appreciated, but especially those from BSs who didn't initially confront your CSs. How did you get the guts to do it and to follow through with positive changes? Move out? Move on? Stay firm? Because I really don't know if I can do this. And I really don't know if it's even worth it.
Until I get these ducks in a row and figure out my next steps, I plan to not let him know I know. Reason is simple--I know I'll have a hard enough time confronting him when I have a firm plan and legal information. I'm so afraid to confront him. He's not violent; I just dread the emotional manipulation and guilt. I guess I'm also afraid that I will, as I have in the past, minimize the issue and deal with it. Also, it's really difficult because, in spite of everything, I really do love him. I don't understand how he can do this.
I found out he has an Ashely Madison account. Talk about a deplorable piece of rubbish. Tag line for the site: "Life is short. Have an affair." Are you kidding me?
For better or worse, the numbness is beginning to subside. Anxiety is, at time, paralyzing. Part of me just wants to throw my hands up, yell, 'forget it,' and just continue on with the status quo. But if I do that, it will eventually eat me alive. Where is the anger? Where is the rage? I feel that these would help my resolve and propel me further in this process. But,I can't cry. I can't get angry--at least, not more than a little and that often passes very soon.
So, I guess I just wanted to ask how some of you did it? How did you confront them? All responses are appreciated, but especially those from BSs who didn't initially confront your CSs. How did you get the guts to do it and to follow through with positive changes? Move out? Move on? Stay firm? Because I really don't know if I can do this. And I really don't know if it's even worth it.
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