Well i have not heard anything yet. They said it will probably be next week before they hear anything. I feel so exhausted lately and i am so angry inside all the time. I am stuck 14 miles from the nearest town and i have no car and no job and i need to be working. My brother in law moved in with us 3 weeks ago and it is ok but i am tired of waiting on everyone. I need prayer you all, we are about to go under here. I am sooo tired of grieving alone. My parents hurt too bad also. Our church (that we attend every sunday) has never to this day checked up on us after my sons death and then for the last yr my husband (Jake's stepdad) plays his play station and left me in my bedroom for over a yr to grieve so now i have reached a boiling point where i am at a dangerous intersection. If you were in a car wreck with the person you love and you both had broken legs. Who would go for help? Nether because your legs are broken, so you would wait for someone to wak by and see that you needed help. This is where i feel that my family is at, we all have broken legs and we have called for help but no one walking by seems to care. I have had two friends since my sons death that have lost children and i made sure that i was there for them so they would not have to go it alone. Alone is aweful. A friend told me today that God does not give you more than you can bear and i said if he doesn't then why do believers kill themselves? and they could not answer that. So to end my rambling session i leave you with this. Take all the good you can get because there is more bad than good.
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I hear the same comments from time to time about being left to struggle through this on our own...in fact my sister made a comment to me just this week about how much she misses \"me\"...complaining that I am not the same, etc. Yet after Daren died she has called me a total of 5 times in 2 years...she came to the service then just disappeared like that was all there was to it...like that was the hard part.
At a time when you would think that a family would rally together a support one another, I have found just the opposite. At least in my case, my immediate was so hurt and shell shocked after the death of my son that we all turned inward on ourselves. No one wanted (or could lean on me...I was inconsolable) so they did not want to bring on further pain for me...they each retreated and tried to handle it on their own...I did the same trying not to bring others down in the process...then suddenly you look around and find yourself ALONE...no one knows how to help you and I couldn\'t even tell people what I needed as I did not know myself. As time went by I finally was able to pull myself up some and could think a little clearer and decided to live the best I could...as I started doing this my family found relief, I think as they were lost as to what to do to help me...anyway...sorry for rambling here,
but looking back that is how it was. My oldest son comforted himself with fishing constantly and hanging with his brothers friends, I guess trying to be closer to him through them. My daughter moved home to help me, became frustrated with my \"lack of progress\" (like I was not recovering by the book/stages, etc.). It took her a long time to just let me be and now she better understands an realizes that it is a personal journey not a textbook one. She moved to Florida this spring as it damaged our relationship which is on the mend, but that too was another loss for me. My husband just focused on himself and became cronically ill and run down from stress...I was unable to help him...and then he just wanted to be the one to \"fix me\"...he just stared at the TV and watch sports & movies non stop for months...like he was waiting for me to show him the way...When I did start living again,...everyone seemed to follow me and life has improved. I don\'t want to be the leader...but I guess in my house I was and they desperately needed my guidence. So for me things are better...far from perfect...that is gone with Daren, but I believe I can build a new life that incorporates my memories and experiences in it...who knows maybe a better life...I hope so, I am banking on it.
Please understand that I know how you feel...how lost you must feel...know I care and wish you well and I know you will find your way.
Take care,
Ann
I agree with Ann - no one really knows what to do so they do nothing!!!! Please don\'t give up on everyone - everyone grieves at their own pace - maybe you need to let them know how you feel. Don\'t hold all that anger inside - you have to let it out anyway you can - beat some pillows, go outside & yell & scream, pull a few weeds, go for a fast walk but please get it out...If you need anything I am here for you...Hugs, Ann
It seems that\'s the way. People move away because they just cannot deal with the pain and they seem to feel if you get too close you will catch it. There is not pattern or set way to do this. We each have to find our own way. You have my sympathy and support. God will give youmore than you can handle, trust me I got more than I can handle. You are strong and you can do this. Sending you love and support. Love and hugs cathy
My family including my parents seem to be afraid to show their emotions in front of me. I don\'t know if it is fear of hurting me? So, we all were masks. I wish someone in my family would talk about. Maybe I would not feel so alone. I agree with RockstarsMom people move away because they can\'t deal with it. Sending you my love.
I understand what all is saying but i have been screaming for help not keeping it in and there is noone. My husband even told the pastor and he said well i never thought of that...My husband keeps telling me that we don\'t have the money for me to get some help. My family and i are very much in contact and we talk about our feelings alot but we are too broken up to help each other because we are all so weak.
At Jeff\'s funeral there were friends and family everywhere that I had lost track of. Every one of them said things like, \"I\'ll be there for you\" None of them were. I haven\'t heard one single word from any of them. Now I know why I had lost track of them. They don\'t matter. Even my own mother has stopped coming to town to see me. She has been twice in the last 6 mo. She only lives 80 miles away. I am fortunate that I have my boys with me but they don\'t want any part of my grieving either. They won\'t even take me with them to the movies anymore. I\'m uninvited everywhere I used to go. This is a horrible feeling.
I thank God I have you. I truly value our friendship. Call me any time.
Love & hugs
Colleen