It was hard to get on this morning as i did not get on yesterday. I think what has happened to Jill has been so devastating to her that it takes us all back and makes our hearts hurt even more. To lose another child i can not imagine and i have been lifting her up in prayer so much lately. I have been dealing with anger lately not mad at God but mad at death i feel as tho i don't want to go another day if this is the way it is suppose to be. I know you all know how that feels. Thinking ahead is scarey yet thinking in the present is not much better. I look at my daughter Sarah which she is to turn 17 on Aug 7th and i can not be the mother she needs right now and she needs me but i just go thru the motions. She cried yesterday and said it should have been her that died and i said no Sarah it should have been me you children are not suppose to die this early in life. I have no clue from one day to the next about life and how to live it anymore. You all have a blessed day and i love you all Dawn Jake's mom
Replies
oh my! poor Sarah! give her a hug for me. i think most siblings left behind figure it should have been them instead. and you are right, it should have been us parents. not our children. {{{hugs}}} you are the mother she needs and you will be there for Sarah. love you! ~~ charlayne
The only way to live this life is one day at a time. Don\'t look to the future and don\'t dwell in the past. I just take everything day by day. We are not given the glass slipper nor the ivory tower. We need to just try to move forward and live the best we can for those that are still here. Our Jakes don\'t want us sad and crying, so slowly we need to work on our new \"normal\" whatever that is. Be patient. We all walk together. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
My love & prayers go out to Sarah, and to you, love always, Colleen
I am so sorry about your loss too. I know how hard it is to deal with the loss and feel inadequet as a mother to my daughter. She too is 16 and my son was 18 at the time of his death. She and he were very close too and to her life also stopped. I try hard to make her want to live and be happy but she sees me unable to live and be happy. God be with us all. Love Melissa
You will go through the motions for NOW but in time you will be the Mother that Sarah knows and has loved. I had a dear friend email this week with a plea... she lost her son when he was 16 and has two other children that were younger. She begged me to NOT shut out my daughter or family. She said that when this happened she decided it wouldn\'t hurt so much if she just didn\'t try to love them as much. I learned how to do this very thing when I lost my dad and grandma in less than 2 weeks. I completely shut down and tried to not let anyone love me or me love them because I was afraid of hurting them or me in the process. I learned the hard way that they only thing to be gained by doing this was not being loved back in return. I found that once I realized this I was more open to loving and being loved. I missed some wonderful and important things because of this... I learned that if you have a question - ASK IT, if you want to hug someone - HUG THEM, if you need help - ASK FOR IT and most importantly I learned to always let those that I love - KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM!
I hope you will find the strength to be open to love and loving... Sarah needs you, Megan needs me and we all can\'t afford to lose another child because of losing our sons. Sending you a huge Hug for strength and support, Vera Erick\'s Mom
I\'ve been dealing with a lot of anger too. I just can\'t seem to get my head around the idea that our little Anna almost 6 has to go on with out her closest sisters and playmates. She is lost by herself and I\'m not a very good playmate. I keep trying to hear what God wants me to do.
i tryuly understand all of the anger we all feel it, hug your daughter for me i know chels goes through the same things sometimes. you should have her read annabeths page she lost her twin brother also to suicide and they were very close it might help your daughter
all to well I know the feeling as I feel myself slipping away