Scared
I've been having monthly ultrasounds of my ovaries for the last few months because I have cysts in both ovaries. Well, the last ultrasound was this past Tuesday. I have to wait 48 hours before they allow me to pick up the results myself, this allows the radiologist time to send the results to my doctor. Anyway, I picked up the resuts this morning and now they found a polyp in my uterus!! The cysts have shrunk in size (which is good), but my ovaries did not shrink, instead they are larger than the last time. From what I found out ovaries are the size of walnut and right now mine are the size of a lemon. I know I have to have surgery and from what I have read off line because of the size of the ovary they will probably have to do it laporotomy rather than laproscopicly. Which means a much longer recovery time (4-6 weeks). I've never had surgery other than dental so I am scared to death. I took a lorazapam right after I read the report, now I'm at work, just had my lunch and feel I should take another one. The other thoughts running through my mind are, what if it's cancer? I'm so scared. It's the anticipatory anxiety I know...I will be this way until they actually put me under - and who know's when that will be. The other thing is while I wait for surgery, because of the size of my ovaries I can experience torsion, which is when the fallopian tubes twist under the weight of the ovaries....extremely painfull requiring surgery right away. I believe this confirms that I will not be having children biologically. I am getting up there in age for children anyway...
Oh boy, rambling...nervous...
Oh boy, rambling...nervous...
Replies
Whoa, there! What if the world falls on your head? Look, stop thinking about what\'s mildly possible until its very probable. You\'re driving yourself potty and indulging in the fears. I know yours seem very real and unlike abnormal and unreasonable fears, ok, yours have an underlying worry. However, you\'ve just made an enormous jump from enlarged ovaries, polycystic fibrosis to cancer! Wow, where did that one come from, honey, because I never saw it coming!
Right, ease back. Look at you, driving to work, getting your control back and calling the shots. This is a massive improvement and needs to be applauded. The last thing you need is for you imagination to go rushing off into the distance with wild fears and worries.
I know how you feel, my darling because I\'m 45 and four weeks ago had a near fatal heart attack. I survived (clearly) but those old anxieties came back with a venom and boy, am I having to wrestle with them to get the control back. And like you, I feel I have a real fear.
Honey, you\'re getting treatment and it sounds like the right treatment. Let\'s face it, I should imagine you\'ve had this condition all of your life? Don\'t be frightened for no reason. Sounds to me like you\'ve got the rest of your wonderful life to live and it\'s up to you to go get it. Operations? Surgery? Be over before you know it.
Do your breathing, relax and take control. You can do it.....
Alli
Xxxx