I'm so stressed right now, and I hate it because I can't talk about it. I can't open my fucking mouth and say what I need to say, and even if I could I don't have any clue what I'm supposed to say... God.. I hate myself for being that way.. I just walk around in this incredible pain wanting help but when someone offers it I can't let myself accept it, I have no idea why.. I wish I at least knew, maybe if I knew I could open myself up, look inside and figure out some way of fixing it but I can't. I need to cry and I need to talk to somebody but I can't. I keep hurting everyone. This amazing girl tries to help me and I totally hurt her.. I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to open myself up and let her or anyone else inside. I'm hiding behind all these lies, God... I fucking hate them... I'm going to see If I can list them..
My Confessions
1.  I hate the color purple.
2.  I really hate going to school.
3.  I hate my dad.
4.  Sometimes, I really hate my mom.
5.  I let guys hurt me, sometimes on purpose.
6.  I let my parents believe I'm religious.
7.  I'm Agnostic, sometimes Atheist.
8.  I have a fear of penis's
9.  "The L Word" is one of my fav. shows.
10. I didn't learn how to use a condom till 8th grade.
11. I don't think I want to get married.
12. I've hurt people on purpose.
13. I'm attracted to girls, sometimes.
14. Sometimes when I'm in church I think about killing myself.
15. Sometimes when I'm in church I think about murdering others.
16. I've had phone sex with 4 guys.
17. I've sent nude pics to 1 guy.
18. underwear/bra pics to 3 guys.
19. I've made out with 2 girls.
20. I've had a crush on 2 girls, I tried to get 1 of the girls.
21. The last time I was with my ex we would have had sex
      If I hadn't been on my period.
22. In 8th grade I thought my math teacher was very sexy.
23. I started cutting myself in 8th grade.
24. I haven't cut myself in weeks now.
25. I have a boyfriend that I don't know that I actually like.
26. If I were brave enough, I would run away.
27. I'm going to fail US History.
28. I almost regret pushing Jon away.
29. I wish Jon was here right now, I wish he would hold me, and love me.
30. I want to cry right now.
41. I feel like telling people how I feel will only hurt them.
42. I hate myself.
43. Sometimes I really really want to die. I don't know if now is one of those times.
44. I need to throw everything out, pack everything up. I want to leave.
45. One of my goals in life is to shock people. I want them to fear my mind.
46. If I could be anywhere it would be Washington, or Alaska with my friend.
47. I'm starting to cry.
48. She's not going to call... I hate this..
49. I need help.
50. I'm not okay right now... I'm really not okay..