Thought i could do it, you know keep it all together, just try and make it on my own,guess  i got it wrong. seems like just when i start to get a little ahead i mess things up. i've probably said it so many times but i just carn't seem to shake it off any more, just like i can feel it coming and i know that its gonna drop me like a ton of bricks. in the last month i've lost my car,my heating and been so damn ill i've just wanted to die. the thing is i fear the worst is not over yet.  maybe i should just do whats best and cut at least then i would'nt be hanging around waiting for it. don't know how to do this anymore, just need to find some peace and reasurence somehow.feels like i've given up and to be honest i don't think i could care less. probably just new year blues yet again. just a casualty of being a dreamer and i'm just trying to get by, so i'll sign my own condemnation and live to regret yet another year.....                                                                                                                      maybe the wounds will allow me to feel,to be or shall my soul be dead for the longest time. maybe the wounds will allow me to shelter even if just for awhile... just for a while to keep my hopes up high.                                                                                    this time i know my lines and i know theres no hope just pain, just pain.                     sometimes the stains just don't fade away, you can never fade away.