this fascarde is getting out of hand, when do you know its time to give up the constant lie.the lie that has you hurting the very people you care about, feels like my head and heart are going to implode. i'm so sick of feeling sick, either i wanna puke or pass out. this is normal for me but not for everyone else,i'm up, hell then comes the down. the feeling that my heart is jumping out of my chest and then skiping beats, its pulsating right through head and the rest of my body. feels like my legs have turned to gluey lead and my head is swirling through a thousand clouds at once. i know this is just stress but i don't understand i've been through much much worse. if i can no longer control my body then what comes next, i cannot allow them to see the weak pathtic little human i have become. all i want is to be able to train,eat and laugh like i used to, is that to much to want. now i'm having to drop caffiene just to get through these attacks,seems to be the only thing thats brings back my blood pressure. i know that everyday people are in pain and they deal with it better than me but this is just to much for me, its getting unbearable.i just wish my mum was here. sometimes i just wish i would collaspse so  that i could finally know that this is not just me overreacting. oh screw it maybe this is one thing or another but the fact is that this is becoming a pain litrally, and i just carn't be bothered to hide, so i feel a little ill doesn't everyone at some time or another. so things get a little blurry and forgetful, it's not a crime eventhough by thier reaction you'd think it was. well nail me to a cross just for feeling a little sick, like there never ill, she walks round like she's an old woman, the others to fat to move and the other pops pills like there smarties, god at least i try, hell maybe thats where i'm going wrong, maybe i should just give in to it and be done. just be done altogether.