I'm so tired of being alive. Its so repetitive and obnoxious. I don't know why I continue to wake up and go through the daily routine of pretending I give a shit about anything when it would be so much easier to lay in my bed and die. I miss getting high and drunk, but I can't even do that anymore. I miss talking to my therapist but she turned out to be an asshole just like everyone else. I miss having friends but I scared them all away. And I really, really, REALLY miss being able to go an entire day without thinking I'm dying and everyone thinking I'm a total nutcase because of it.Its weird how I want to die so much, but when these anxiety symptoms show up and make me think I'm going into heart failure or dying of lung/brain/whatthefuckever cancer or having a stroke or an aneurysm, I panic. Like, make up your damn mind, Cortney!