I was looking at my old therapist's website during a panic attack (I thought maybe just seeing her picture would help calm me down because she used to help me SO much during attacks) and I saw that she now takes patients without insurance for $40 a session. So I talked my mom into loaning me the money and I'm going to call her tomorrow and schedule a session. I know she alone won't be able to fix me, but I do know that it will help significantly. I feel really close to her and simply talking to her calms me down and gives me hope. I'm even considering asking her to put me in an in-patient program or something because I feel like I need a lot of help and that's the best (maybe even only) way to get it.
I have only had two panic attacks in the past two days. Yesterday I didn't have any at all until I was trying to go to sleep. I took Xanax and melatonin together and, even though I googled it to make sure they were safe to combine, I started freaking out thinking the mixture would kill me in my sleep. My heart started beating so fast, one side of my face felt like it was burning, and I felt like I had something lodged in my throat and it was going to suffocate me. I had to go wake up my mom and set on her floor for an hour because I was so horrified something was really happening because of the pills I took. After a while I managed to fall asleep on my couch and, obviously, I didn't die, but I'm still too scared to take meds to help me sleep again. I'd rather never sleep again than put myself through that even one more time. I had a very short and mild PA when my mom left for work today, but that's pretty common as I only feel safe when she's with me.
Even though the attacks have slowed down I still have a constant nervous/panicky feeling...like butterflies in my stomach. I've been trying different things to get rid of it and, so far, what seems to help is writing (putting the pen to the paper and writing every single thought that pops into my head, not stopping at all until my hand cramps up so badly I can't do it anymore), laying on my stomach, having my pets with me at all times, and listening/stinging along to really ridiculous rap music like Riff Raff :D
Also, I managed to take a shower this morning WITHOUT having a panic attack. It was scary, but I did it and I feel much more confident and in control now. Baby steps...
I have only had two panic attacks in the past two days. Yesterday I didn't have any at all until I was trying to go to sleep. I took Xanax and melatonin together and, even though I googled it to make sure they were safe to combine, I started freaking out thinking the mixture would kill me in my sleep. My heart started beating so fast, one side of my face felt like it was burning, and I felt like I had something lodged in my throat and it was going to suffocate me. I had to go wake up my mom and set on her floor for an hour because I was so horrified something was really happening because of the pills I took. After a while I managed to fall asleep on my couch and, obviously, I didn't die, but I'm still too scared to take meds to help me sleep again. I'd rather never sleep again than put myself through that even one more time. I had a very short and mild PA when my mom left for work today, but that's pretty common as I only feel safe when she's with me.
Even though the attacks have slowed down I still have a constant nervous/panicky feeling...like butterflies in my stomach. I've been trying different things to get rid of it and, so far, what seems to help is writing (putting the pen to the paper and writing every single thought that pops into my head, not stopping at all until my hand cramps up so badly I can't do it anymore), laying on my stomach, having my pets with me at all times, and listening/stinging along to really ridiculous rap music like Riff Raff :D
Also, I managed to take a shower this morning WITHOUT having a panic attack. It was scary, but I did it and I feel much more confident and in control now. Baby steps...
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