Nevermind, I was wrong. They're still here and probably always will be.
I can't do this again. I seriously CAN'T. It's only been a week and I already feel like I'm completely losing it. I have no appetite anymore and when I'm forced to eat I hate the taste of food, no matter how much water I drink my throat/mouth are constantly dry, I shake constantly, I always feel like I'm seconds away from falling asleep because I'm so exhausted but, thanks to this wonderful constant feeling of utter terror and the fact that I'm out of Xanax, I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. I had a really bad panic attack in the shower last night and now I'm so afraid of it happening again that I can't bathe.
 
This isn't a life, this is hell! I don't want to live anymore of this is all I have to look forward too. I want to believe I can and will get better, but I can't afford any help. Besides, I honestly don't believe any meds or therapy sessions can fix me at this point. It depresses me so much to see my friends and the people I grew up with living amazing lives and making something out of themselves while I'm locked in my room crying and hyperventilating and being terrified of nothing. I feel like such a loser...I feel like a disappointment. I want my mom but I've spent the last seven days basically attached to her and she's losing her patience with me. I'm trying so hard to fix this myself but I can't! I can't talk myself out of it or slow down my heart by breathing or convince myself that there's nothing to be afraid of because there is! My future! Because I know this anxiety is going to keep creeping up on me and knockinf me down when I least expect it. And someday I won't have my mom to hold my hand and tell me to breathe...I'll be all alone and it will fucking consume me!