A little under two years ago, I started having severe constant panic attacks out of nowhere. There was no trigger, and absolutely no warning. They lasted for 9 entire days, day and night, without any relief. Then, finally, three days after I started Prozac and Ativan, they suddenly stopped and never came back.
Until Friday. I was watching a movie with my mom and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. Shortly after the heart palpitations started, my arms became shaky, I felt like I was choking, and this overwhelming sense of doom hit me like a bus. Most of these attacks are less severe than the first ones, but they're still driving me crazy! I hate feeling horrified over nothing all the time. I hate checking my pulse every 15 seconds to see if my heart is beating fast enough to stop completely. I hate feeling like I have a belt strapped tightly across my diaphragm. I hate having to spend every second of the day and night next to my mom because she's the only thing that can convince me I'm not dying, and when she goes to work for 8 hours...it gets so bad that I have to slam my head into walls and scream at the top of my lungs and sob because I don't think I can handle it this time.
I went to the ER yesterday morning and they were much less helpful than the last time. They gave me six .25mg Xanax, listened to my heart, and told me I should find a regular doctor/therapist. I would LOVE to do that, but I have no money and no one will take my crappy insurance. I feel like I can't beat it this time. I'm not even sure that I want to because I know they'll just come back in a few years, or maybe even less this time. I don't want to live my life like this...ugh. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I can't survive this again. I feel like I'm going to physically and mentally collapse at any moment.
Until Friday. I was watching a movie with my mom and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. Shortly after the heart palpitations started, my arms became shaky, I felt like I was choking, and this overwhelming sense of doom hit me like a bus. Most of these attacks are less severe than the first ones, but they're still driving me crazy! I hate feeling horrified over nothing all the time. I hate checking my pulse every 15 seconds to see if my heart is beating fast enough to stop completely. I hate feeling like I have a belt strapped tightly across my diaphragm. I hate having to spend every second of the day and night next to my mom because she's the only thing that can convince me I'm not dying, and when she goes to work for 8 hours...it gets so bad that I have to slam my head into walls and scream at the top of my lungs and sob because I don't think I can handle it this time.
I went to the ER yesterday morning and they were much less helpful than the last time. They gave me six .25mg Xanax, listened to my heart, and told me I should find a regular doctor/therapist. I would LOVE to do that, but I have no money and no one will take my crappy insurance. I feel like I can't beat it this time. I'm not even sure that I want to because I know they'll just come back in a few years, or maybe even less this time. I don't want to live my life like this...ugh. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I can't survive this again. I feel like I'm going to physically and mentally collapse at any moment.
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