I'm freaking out. My anxiety is back- not as bad as it was, but getting there. I also feel like complete shit about my therapist seeing me for free now, because it's a waste of time and it's losing her money. This helps breed my anxiety. Like, honestly, the only reason I even go therapy is because I like talking to her and I thoroughly enjoy her as a person. I initially started therapy wanting help, but I've since realized that I'm a lost cause and literally NOTHING is going to fix things. I've told her this (not directly` but in so many words) and she says, as usual, that "its the depression talking". All of this bothers me so much that I can't even talk to her like I always do. Like...today, for instance, I guess I was being really negative and an asshole and she was like "Can I please, PLEASE talk to the real Cortney and not her depression for like 5 minutes?" Thus I obliged and by the end of the session she somehow got me to promise I'd try Welbutrin (sp) for three months, which I don't want to do. 
 
Ughhh. I feel like I should stop seeing her immediately so she can stop wasting her time and losing money on me and help someone who deserves/is capable of it. But, at the same time, I really like her and I'm somewhat attached and I don't want the last good thing in my life to disappear so soon.