I wish someone gave a shit because I really need someone that does right now.This anxious feeling hasn't gone away and I've been having little, mini anxiety attacks for four days. I think about nothing but dying and everyone else dying, and I'm getting really close to just getting it over with. I don't want to be alive if this is what it's going to be like. I mean, this is supposed to be the time of my life, right? So why do I do nothing but sit in my room and listen to depressing music and cry and cut myself? Going out with my friends distracts me while I'm there, but the first second I'm alone with my thoughts it all comes back.
 
I've been thinking, and I think I'd rather die sometime soon by my own hand than in a bunch of years when I'm old, or in a car accident a day/month/year/decade from now, etc. Plus I really don't want to experience my life. I know it's not going to be anything remotely special. It's going to suck. That's basically a fact, no matter what I do to change it. It's so weird- I used to be scared of dying, but now I'm scared of living. Death is the only thing that comforts me anymore.
The only reasons I haven't done it yet is because I don't have anything to do it with, and I don't want to do it in my house. That would hurt my mom too much. But I really, really, really want to.