I just found out my dad was found dead in a motel room last week.
It really fucking sucks because I haven’t heard from him in nine years. And when I was twelve, I sent him a letter telling him how much I fucking despised him for that, and what a terrible person he was. But after I grew up I discovered his reasoning for leaving, and I realized that I am just like him emotionally, that I fucking inherited all of his pain. And I don’t despise him, and I’m not angry at him. But he’ll never know that because he’s dead now. And he died thinking that I thought he was scum, and that’s probably why he never came back.
He was my best friend when I was a kid, and then he just left. And up until two hours ago I ALWAYS thought he would come back and that eventually he’d be a part of my life again. But now I know he won’t.
I miss him so much. I can’t believe this is happening. I see him every time I look in the mirror and I always will.