Truce?
If there's such a thing as a truce between two people struggling to gain trust between each other, then that's what my W and I are doing right now. We were at each others throats fighting for privacy, and transparency, and respect, and some dignity in our relationship. We were at each other for everything. So we finally both snapped and sat down to talk. We called an official truce.
The terms of the truce are as follows;
We will start to respect the other person as an individual, then a friend, then a spouse. Alot of that deteriated when the A was brought to light. And we've both been struggling to get that back between us.
We will start (very tough) to trust that the other person has our back. And holds each others heart in their hands. This is really tough as my W had my heart in her hands and dropped it and stepped all over it. I'm not saying I trust her in general yet, but maybe in time.
We will start to focus on the present and the future with us and our family. We cannot keep living like we've been for 8 months when I found out about the A's. It's been a living hell.
We will start to really try to look at each other as more than the mother and fathr of our children. Start to look at each other as lovers. Baby steps, baby steps.
And we must meet every so often (but not all the time) to discuss our fears, concerns, impressions, and praises about each other. We would always talk about the A late at night in bed, or on a date; not good at all. We both started dreading going to bed or dates out. So we need to now schedule a discussion period that's like counseling, to discuss triggers, issues, etc. It seems to be working.
Trust? Not qute yet. I still don't trust that she won't be tempted by the OM, and she doesn't trust that I won't snoop into her private life. We'll see how long that takes for me. Awhile I assume.
I'm hanging in their for now. This seems to be working for the time being. I keep praying - diligently!
The terms of the truce are as follows;
We will start to respect the other person as an individual, then a friend, then a spouse. Alot of that deteriated when the A was brought to light. And we've both been struggling to get that back between us.
We will start (very tough) to trust that the other person has our back. And holds each others heart in their hands. This is really tough as my W had my heart in her hands and dropped it and stepped all over it. I'm not saying I trust her in general yet, but maybe in time.
We will start to focus on the present and the future with us and our family. We cannot keep living like we've been for 8 months when I found out about the A's. It's been a living hell.
We will start to really try to look at each other as more than the mother and fathr of our children. Start to look at each other as lovers. Baby steps, baby steps.
And we must meet every so often (but not all the time) to discuss our fears, concerns, impressions, and praises about each other. We would always talk about the A late at night in bed, or on a date; not good at all. We both started dreading going to bed or dates out. So we need to now schedule a discussion period that's like counseling, to discuss triggers, issues, etc. It seems to be working.
Trust? Not qute yet. I still don't trust that she won't be tempted by the OM, and she doesn't trust that I won't snoop into her private life. We'll see how long that takes for me. Awhile I assume.
I'm hanging in their for now. This seems to be working for the time being. I keep praying - diligently!
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