jay

idk what to think.  i havent seen jay since last sunday when he showed up unannounced.  it was ok.  i was surprised but not angry.  he came again 2day.  i dont think he has my number anymore b/c he no longer has his phone.  he left his card with his new number on it.  i smiled.  i was happy to know he'd been by.  it was ok him not being in contact.  idk if i missed him, but i was happy to hear from him.  he came by after i called him.  we hung out in the kitchen and chatted while i cooked dinner.  the kids were curious and kept finding reasons to come into the kitchen.  i think we are friends. not bf and gf.  maybe i was just glad to have some company and i do like him.  i still dont trust him though.  can he earn my trust?  idk.  he sd he wants to come back 2nite after the kids go 2 sleep to have sex.  im not sure if im even in the mood.  i enjoy his company.  i feel anxious about bringing him here when the kids r sleep.  even though we werent doing anything i felt anxious having him here when the kids were here. 
he seemed calmer. i enjoyed that.  he didnt have a sob story.  we just hung out.  was nice.  sex might b nice or not.  my hormones and desire r unpredictable.  if he doesnt call or come and i dont have to make a decision that would be fine.