i feelso alone.cantreach out 2 husband but so much. feelreally needy right now. i was so ridicukously tired2 day and then i finally fell asleep. i find myself becoming attracted 2 my h best friend. prob a vengence thing. hes been so helpful and supportive. hes trying so hard 2 b respectful. im sure he has no feeelings 4 me,but i kinda wish he did.  its no secret that i fnd him ayytactive. told hubby that yrs ago.  used 2 joke that he was enuf like h and enuf dif that hewas agreat fit. hes changed over the yrs. he used 2 havean on again off again thing with another friend anmd it was hard 2 warch.seemd he was mistreating her so.  i dont really want an affair.  its 2 messy. i guess i just wanna b wanted.  that wld b nice. let h wonder.  let him b jealous.  i fl lk im doing so much 2 help this wrk.  rollercoaster. woke up h wasnt in bed. wnt downstairs. he wassleep/ got him 2 come 2 bed.  then askd him 2 leave. now im awake.  cnt sleep/