i had 2 let it go or b miserable.  we sat 2gether in front of my pastor and he promised that he would love me like i nd 2 b loved.  that the affair is over and will nvr happen again.  i sd that i wanted 2 love him.  my pastor was clear that my love is nt free and he has 2 wrk for it. so we're gonna try.  he is 2 get rid of all related 2 affair. pics chats etc.  there is 2 b no evidence left on anything.  and i am 2 not go looking 4 it.  i am 2 demand what i want.  we meet again in a wk.  i left the meeting feeling hopeful.  i am going 2 c a licensed therpist in addition 2 help w/mydepression.  ill still have marital counseling w/my pastor.  its heavy still but lighter.  i think about the stuff ive read.  i think about what hes done. and i make a conscious choice 2 think of something else.  pastor recommended staying busy. my mother wants me 2 quit school. i disagree.  my education is the only independent thing i have going on.  as long as im working part time its not 2  much.