i am tired.  so tired.  im tired of working 2 makea relationship work bymyself.  i dont want a passionless marriage.  it just seems cruel 2 myself.  if ur desperately hungry and theres a plate of food u really like on the table, but its somehow not 4 u 2 eat.  ive been suffering in this state for some time & now on top of that this man has bn having sex with and sharing emotionally w/someone else.  its 2 much 2 take.  i mean damn.  God can change anyone but they have 2 b willing.  so im going 2 live.  live well.  b the best i can b.  heal.  im gonna pay close attn 2 myself and get closer 2 the lord.  maybe meanwhile my h will change.  i will pray 4 that.  but right now i dont even consider him my husband.  hes a roomate.  i enjoy the sex but ill prob have 2 stop that 2.  i dont wanna sleep with him anymore.  u dont wanna give me the love and passion that i want.  u wanna b unapoligetic and flip.  u dont wanna b vulnerable.  im afraid that hell just use it as an excuse 2 withdraw more.  maybe even cheat some more.  i have 2 do it anyway.  im tired of pretending we're married.  i stopped wearing my ring.  hes not bn a h.  weve bn separated emotionally 4 a while.  i just didnt realize how much.  im done pretending.  i will try nt 2 b mean.  i will pray to be civil,but im done treating him like a h.  im done. i must protect myself.  i can only take so much.