im so frustrated that im not working right now. well im working part time @ a day care.  not really my cup of tea.  im very used 2 working with adults.  so im doing that to help fill in b/c someone left unexpectedly.  so im working three and a half hours /day.  im waiting to hear about a temp job.  i wanted 2 take a trip.  im thinking i shd do it b4 i get called on a job.  im thinking about taking a cruise.  feels safer.  im also thinking about moving out.  but with no job thats not anexpense that we can afford.  i cld stay w/my mother,but if im gonna move out then let me be independent.  i want 2 separate myself from this situation. from him.  2 try 2 heal and then maybe consider reconciloiation.  how can i heal with him in my face everyday?  my brother has an empty apt,but i dont wanna ask him 2 let me move in 4 free.  if he offers. ill accept it,but i wont put him in that position.  im pretty much unemployed right now.  i feel sad.  very sad.  i feel great loss & im trying not to lose me.  i cant worry about this house right now.  and i havent been and its a mess.  i think about it, but actually cleaning it......cant seem 2 bring myself.  when im home im mostly in bed. not necessarily sleep, but in bed.  on my comp or reading or watchin tv.  my appetitie is back but strange.  im distracted and so i dont eat.  then when i do im famished.  why did this have 2 happen 2 me?  i married a man who i loved.he sd he loved me.  he seemed 2 love me.  he was a christian. id known him as my friend 4 12 years.  what else could i have done to avaoid this?  and yet here i am.  cheated on.  emotionally damaged.  and looking at being asingle parent again.  consideringleaving my children with him so that i can heal.  hows that gonna make them feel.  children expect mommy 2 b there. i c me putting them 2 bed still and being around often, but going home 2 my sanctuary. making him leave and feeling trapped as i did when this affair began.  not possible.  if i leave the children will stay put in their home.  and ill come back when i can.  i c leaving akin 2 going 2 a hospital.  2 get well w/o having 2 concentrate on everything else.