i feel like im on the road 2 being healed.  i can c me being whole.  im not sure if i c me married 2 my h.   its a possibility.  i dont know that i wanna b with someone so selfish.  even after this hes still worried about himself.  hes depressed.  hes tryin 2 deal with this.  i have 2 deal with that my h who promised 2 love me til death do us part, loved and or loves someone else.  that floors me.  it grates me.  it stabs me.  why do i wanna b in that.  why shd i?  why shd i.  even if he doesnt always, he does now.  hes insensitive and not understanding of my side it this.  why shd i b understanding of his.  and i have anyway,but he still doesnt think of me.  im just lumped in with all the people hurt by this situation.  i fl like i have been wronged the most.  that my plight is the worst.  he made a commitment 2 me.  i dont like that he just lumps me in with "everything."  arent  i more important than that?  he seems afraid that ill leave, but what are u offering me 2 stay?  if i had a job right now and id b asured to have money,id tell him 2 leave.  right now i absolutely would.  i nd 2 c what it wld b like 2 b w/o him.  wld i b ok w/it.  perhaps even better.  i fl that i do most already.  wld it b so dif?  id rather have money just in case he becomes bitter and will no longer share his paycheck with me.