im so tired.  im home w/the kids.  prob wont c my husband til 2morrow or late 2night. they r playing.  and they keep screaming.  im bout 2 just run out. i bought some books 2day & i want 2 go downstairs enter the books & put 2gether some furn.  i put 2gether a bookcase last night.  gonna put 2gether another.  and i have some nice file cabinets 2.  i have a metal one that ive had 4 a long time.  its still functional, but i dont think i nd them all.  so ill freecycle it.  ithink i made some good choices w/the boooks.  i sold 2 in the last 2 days.  iam hopeful. i plan 2 do some more reading 2 improve biz also.  and resurg my ebay biz 2.  im trying 2 resurg myself.  i do wish that the kids wld go upstairs & leave me alone 4 awhile.  steve's bn gone a lot. i resent it. im stressed. im scared. i just feel like a prisoner.  not like a while.  im not a prisoner.  i can go out but dont feel  like it.  wanna stay in but want some quiet. want some solitude and quiet. im so tired of being a mom. i know i cld get help, but im just beat. just want some quiet.  they just chatter chatter chatter.  scream & argue.  steve isnt comin home 4 dinner.  i sometimes could use some adult interaction 2. well its 648 and im makin pizza...its in the oven.  so i will feed them & put their behinds 2 bed.  & then 2 my dusty office.  i wonder if theres anything i can do 2 get rid of  the dust.  well ill b down there workin. i enjoy it.  just feel so grimy when im done.  & im interrupted by a crying child more than once.   i feel hindered at every turn.  why does it have 2 b so hard.  & i want 2 go back 2school.  liberty has a psyche degree online.  and its cheaper than eastern.  but i dont wanna go through all the admissions crap again.  app....ordering transcripts....maybe writing an essay explaining my low gpa....etc. for that reason i may stay @ eastern, but ill have 2 pay the money i owe them.  plus there r grants i cant get from the state b/c its an online project.  ridiculous.  but im sure there money 2 b gotten for online.  i can go on a monthly payment plan.   well God is mercilful. children went upsatirs 2 play.  dinner ready soon. 2 bed w/themi will grad from school.  i found this list of stuff i wanna do in a self help book that i nvr finished. woman thou r loosed.  i didnt like some of the stuff i was reading.  i remember feeling blamed and patronized.  so i stopped reading it. anyway i found a 2 do list there that i wrote.  like everything i still want 2 do  is on there & some stuff has bn accomplished.   apparently i planned 2 have a child named senegal.  i do have one name mali.  & i wrote on the list have isis.  i sd get engaged.  get married....thats helpful 2 know....that im not as far behind as i sometimes feel.