keeping the kids tnite seems 2 b a worse and worse idea.  so far im keeping 9 children alone.  i feel excluded & steve is all like well maybe this will b the beginning of a new thing 4 the church.  id like him 2 want me there.  or let children come.  its unfair 2 exclude someone from the fellowship so they can watch thekids.  why cant we  just get sitters or have stuff that can include the kids.  and i feel lied2.  when i was asked tday i was told another person wld be helping meand  that it wld b 4 2 hours.  neither is likely. so i truly blieve that god wants me 2 do this but i am not happy.  i feel excluded and left behind.  and im tired.  baby was up screaming.  i still have not been able 2 do my christmas cards or finish the calendars. ink cart messing up.  i was grounded tday b/c steve was gone far longer than expected. and i do not like being out w/my kids after 8.  im voicing my neg thoughts here b/c i dont wanna have that attitude with the children later.  this day i have gotten nothing done.  i was supposed 2 go 2 mymom's but its 2 late.