s & i had an argument. i hate how i feel  right  now.  i wanna smoke & eat.  i want  my  outside  2  match  how  i feel inside.  i dont smoke.  but i want 2 destruct.  sometimes i want 2leave or die  2 punish those who have hurt me.  i regret my life.  i regret having children.  i regret leaving college.  i regret moving here.  i dont have anything thats mine.  my projects r worthless.  why bother.  maybe i shd just stop trying 2 do 4 others and just take care of myself.  i made this calendar to give as a christmas gift, but what's the pnt?  why am i doing it?  2 have someone say how great it is?  whats the pnt in that.  whats the pnt in anytrhing?  i dont feel special.  i dont feel highly favored.  i dont feel worthy of anything.  maybe i shd just fall into my role as stay at home mom..take steve out of daycare....and just stop the idea of working out of the home....im miserable now.....i wont b any more miserable.