im still waiting 2 hear from the post off.  i may b getting a car soon. after i strt wrking im gonna need it. sex feels so empty....it used 2 b so warm and meaningful.  i complain that i dont have it enuf.  well had sex this morn...had 2 lock the door......it was nice,but rushed...kids knocking on dr.  no time 2 bask in afterglw.  & i was so happy 2 b getting some that i didnt use any protection.  i realized that i lk being preg.  gives me something meanlingful 2 concentrate on,but i do not want anymore children.  i thnk i wld enjoy being a surrogate.   ive been so achy.  my back hurts.  ive been overeating....i wake w/sour stomach from the junk, but 4 the moment  it feels better.  whats bothering me?  im not sure.  well i dont like s new wrk schedule. i feel grounded a lot w/the kids.  i have sometimes grounded myself. its hard going out w/them so i opt 2 stay in.  the house is clean.  but sometimes nights i feel lonely.  days im often alone while they're at school.  but somehow thats ok....expected.  the nights after they go 2 bed r lonely.  im watchin tv...im on the computer....and im eating....i clean.   i might lk 2 go out but cant.  and then when i can go out its hrd. gotta get a sitter.  seems lk s doesnt take that into consideration when wanting 2 go out.  well the calendars r done & the cards r doneso thats somethinglife is goodgod is goodi am flawed