im no longer going to take what i can get.  u dont talk to me, u dont treat me like i am special, but im just happy to go out of the occassional date with u?  forget that.  tmorrow steve will be going to c transformers w/o me.  i am done with him until he makes an effort...thats all i want to c; an effort.  ur depressed; i can get with that i can be compassionate about it, but shutting me out and not trying to get help is just no longer acceptable.  im tired and i am angry...very angry.  im done.  i will do what i have to to take care of myself and our kids.  i will not be vindictive...i wont not fix a place for u at dinner and i wont pick ur clothes out when i do the wash, but im just not  making any more special effort for u and on ur behalf.  u r selfish.  and i nvr noticed how much.  my marriage is chnging...lord just let me get through the summer.  come sept zora will b in school and ill have some more freedom.  i can make some more money and that will help.  to not have to depend on him.  this is not what i wanted in my marriage.  and it hurts me.  it really hurts, but i am determined to staop hurting myself.  ive been eating.  overeating.  i am trying to medicate with food.  io know thats what i am doing.  i resent my children.  b/c w/o them ide be in a better financial position and id be far less dependent on steve.  even with that i am not ready to stick them in a day care and go get a full time gig either.