im awake when i shd be asleep.  im so frustrated.  i just keep making the wrong choices and it just screws everything up.  this wk we had $210 worth of insuff bank fees.  i told hubby that we can not spend out of the same acct anymore .  its killing us.  i made 300 on ebay and i didnt trans it early in the wk b/c i wanted to wait 2 make sure that the buyer wasnt gonna change his mind..and i thoguht that if steves check was big enuf that i cld trans the paypal money into my acct and start working sep accts, but we're not in the neg but i thnk we will b b4 the weekend is over.  i still have a gas purchase outstanding.  my hope is that the trans money will hit b4 the charges do, but theres no guarantee.  my breatss rv lumpy...i was takin this age solution...oh i sd that already....they feel softer but still lumpy.  well i just try to rem that u have to fall b4 u can get up....thats makes no sense, but it usually gets worse b4 it gets better.  im frustrated.  i have borrowed money from my gurl....she doesnt make me pay it back, but i feel like i am depriving her of her savings cause i know shes giving me from her savings.  i need to buy groceries and i have no money.  i have money in a sense but its not liquid which doesnt help me for groceries.  i feel like we r sabatoguing any efforts that we make.  workin ot or selling things...and then the money just goes to clean up the mess made in the bank acct.  its gotta stop.  but right now here i am.  well i did clean my kitchen and it is just sparkling.  i wanted to take the kids somewhere fun tmorrow, but now im not sure...maybe ill take them to the playground thats always free.  i havent been sleeping well.  i cant lay on my tummy cause of these rocks on my chest.  and im prob worried...truin not to worry..tryin to give it to God, but i ghuess i keep takin it back.  im going to bed...im gonna take an exedrin pm....i took one yday and i slept hard, but i felt groggy in the morn...maybe ill skip it.