birthday went off well...got a free cake..yay!  got some cool b1g1f coupons for diapers.  i hope to use them b4 they expire.  i know i can use one, but im hoping to stock up.  anyway tday was a pretty good day.  im taking this sage concoction...(sage & water) to get my milk to styop producing.  and i have cabbage leaves on my breasts as well.  mu husband isnt sleeping with me...its pissing me off and it doesnt seems to bother him at all....this is dejavu.  we were having the same issues in december.  so what every time we have money probs this is what i have to look forward to?  im trying to help...im selling stuff on ebay...im lookin for a job... and i often feel like im running the house alone.  i cook i clean i oprganize...i shuttle the kids.....i move furn and put out trash....and if he does it i bug him and bug him and often end up doing it myself anyway.  i dont think its fair that i shd have to do most of the stereotypical male and female stuff in the house.  i do dishes and cook and i move furn and attach counters...i bought a new counter for the dishwasher from home depot.  he vacuumed...great, but i did so much more...i know he does a lot, but so much of it is outside of thie house.  he works, and he does so much at church too.   he's not in school this summer, but hes still out a lot.  and its like shd i just do it now or hope that he will.  im tired...we r both so tired, but i feel like im reaching ou to hima nd hes just here...i feel like me being here or not makes no dif to him...when i get a job i will not b able to do all this too..i cant keep it up now.....with more resp outside of this house i hope that he will not be lookin to me to still keep the house up like i do now...hes gonna have to put more into the house and not so much out of it.   right now hes sleep on the couch again after having been at church tnight.. he was at church and then came home for cake and ice cream and then went back to church and then came home had dinner and crashed on te couch...i asked him to put out the trash.  and he sd he wld, but if he doesnt do it now...and hes sleep so he might if he wakes up.  but if he doesnt then in the morn hell say im running late cause he runs late every morn and ill have to do it.  i feel like i might as well just do it now....or give him the opp to do what he sd?  i try to keep things clean...i dont always but i try.  and when he says hell do something and he doesnt then if i dont then there u go mess.  he didnt move his plate into the kitchen or take down his tv tray....his boots are at his feet.....tv tray clutters up the liv rm.  sometimes i just feel alone in this...i feel why shd i have to get used to and even comfortable with solitude...theres nothing wrong with it soemtimes it is great, but why get married if its gonna b the norm....anyway i just feel like the maid.  i dont feel intimacy.....i know he loves me, but damn....wheres the show of love?