my mother helped me...i chatted with her..she sd that having some regretful thoughts about having kids at times is not bad.  its normal and natural.  and she suggested that if im able to stay home with the kids that might b a better choice than working...that working outside the home is harder.  that i wld have better control over training the kids...and suggested that perhaps when im frustrated that maybe i shd just shape them...sort of..dont let them get to me...remember who is acvtually in charge and dont let them run me...funny i c myself as a hard strict one, but maybe at times i give them so much leway that they r causing me distress and irritation....i dont remember a whole lot of that in my childhood....if my mother sd b quiet and go to ur room...then u were quiet and u went 2 ur room....u didnt like it but u went and u were quiet while u were up there.  so i guess in my desire to let them be happy ive ben stressing myself out and i dont have to.  wow....thats so surprising...i amso strict about certain things, but i guess i have allowed them some indulgences to to try to be flexible, but the truth is i dont have to be...im the parent.  if i dont want u down here cause ur too noisy then u go upstair b/c i sd so and i dont have to give any other reason than that.  i am stressing myself out and they r happy...most of the time...lol....how id i get 2 b such a softie...my mom wasnt.  well im still gonna go to the job interview...hopefully it wont b a waist of my time.  i intend to soon go back to work anyway...we can afford to pay for steve to go to daycare.......zora will start head start in the fall..and right now steves paychk is not enuf for our bills.....but thats temp.