i luv my children and i would love to still know themand be in contact with them, but i right this moment wish that i had not had any....i wish that i had not had any children with my husband. i am so angry with him. my husband thinks that i am a waste. he must. he didnt even ask me how i was...all he asked was for me to pick up zora b/c he wanted to go out without her b/c she needs to b watched...he doesnt want to watch her, but he wants me to...all the time....i am controlling myself, but i want to explode....i want to quit the choir. i want to b as wasteful and useless as i feel. i wish id nvr had his children. i thought theyd b equally ours but i often feel that they are supposed to b more my resp that his. at least with isis i knew from the day she was born...she was mine. that her dad would b nothing. but with these two i had them for him....he wanted more children and now he wants me to keepm them...im the nanny. he didnt try to convince me to come with him...he didnt ask me about myself...he just assumed that i flippintly didnt wat to come to church...i hate that...i hate him. i hate myself...im afraid that im crazy. and my husband hates me....and we dont have sex and our affection is rare and forced. i am numb...i cant even cry. and my best friend is no longer my friend...