Feeling better

Thanks everyone for talking me through another crisis.  Reminding me to take care of myself is something I needed to hear.  I've since left my father to decide on his own health care.  I've talked to God and turned him over to him. 
Dad is having surgery on his foot again tomorrow.  A pin came out of his toe, pulled out by his blanket, the doctor said.  Normally I would have blamed myself.  But now, I see it as my father's decision.  Also I discovered he missed a medication dose.  When I pointed it out, I saw the flicker in my father's eyes that he needed help.  He admitted that he did.  I will help him when he asks for help.  If he ever gets to the point where he appears incapable of caring for himself, I will seek help from other programs. 
I am moving in with him.  I'm a widow and looking for a condo or townhouse in my state of mind is not a good idea.  I've told my father that the move is temporary.  He told me that he hopes I stay.  I've also explained to him that I'm an adult that needs and expects the same respect I give him.  He's agreed to my terms, but I did tell him that if this arrangement does not work for us, I will move out.  I'm financially able to do this, so he took it seriously.
 
I've seen a change in him.  A relization that he is not controling my life.  I know my situation is not perfect.  I know that there will be up and down days, but I'm bracing myself for it.
I intend to cut out a picture of a condo/townhouse and place it on a white board.  I plan to move next year.  DH died in March.  With any luck I will be in my  new home in March of 2011.  I feel my husband is smiling at that.  He always wanted to settle down in a house or something, but I always wanted to move.  He used to joke that I said, 'let's move' so many times that he feared our conure would start saying it.

Replies

DianeMTB
DianeMTB

You are being wise now. I am glad that you are standing up for yourself with your dad. It is the smart thing to do for yourself. Move out when you are able and when you can find something. DH would certainly smile at you knowing you are doing the best thing for yourself. All the best from Diane
Lininsocal
Lininsocal

Keep those feet planted and your patience in check. I wish you the very best.
Donale
Donale

I am so glad to see you feeling better, with a litttle light heartedness added to your step I think it will take you far.
Donale
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so excited for you ................a giant step.................write down how you feel now and when you have a weak moment, get back to what you wrote...............
L
deleted_user
deleted_user

Glad you put your foot down. Hopefully things will work out fine.
janalM
janalM

I am so proud of you. I think your dad finally realizes you are an adult and an equal, and you won\'t put up with his guff. I think the idea of a picture of a condo or house is a wonderful idea. It says I am not afraid to change this situation. Keep up the wonderful attitude, and best of luck to your dad and his surgery. Hugs Jane
deleted_user
deleted_user

My mom is a handful and at times makes it almost impossible to take care of her. I have had to learn how to make boundaries and work hard at not taking any of her abuse personally. That is a very tough job and at times it is really too much for me. I am glad that he is coming around. Mom has somewhat too but she still reverts at times. This will likely happen to you too. I am not trying to be negative. It just seems that they get to a place where it is hard for them to be rational and in control of their emotions and we the care givers are the ones that get the brunt of all their frustrations and fears. In their minds we are the cause of the problems. At least that is the way it seems to be with mom. We did good for about 4 weeks and last week she blew her fuse again. A few days later and she acted like nothing happened. I find that on top of the grief it can be overwhelming at times. I do the best I can. Sometimes that means that I have to work behind the scene. It is hard to let go and know that there is only so much that we can do. I have to learn to be content with and learn what it is that I am capable of and not beat myself up with what is impossible. One wonderful thing, when I have a hard day with mom, I come and vent here at DS. Everybody is so supportive. It really helps me get through.

You are sounding like you are getting wiser, stronger and more able to deal with your dad. Don`t feel guilty by realizing that you are the first priority here. You have to do what is right for you. If you crash and burn you won`t be any help to him anyway. Keep the boundaries! You are doing good! High five girl. Big hug.