im not into the blood and guts so much anymore. i still love blood and i will continue to do so but i just dont need the self destructive images triggering me anymore. for example bad car wrecks, suicides, murders, ect.i just started realizing that i dont need death in life to make my life meaningful. i dont know why this sudden change is occurring but i think it has to do with starting over with Mike and starting to find a life out in the world for myself. i need a job to keep my head right while im getting over my depression, so i really hope i get the job working with my mom at a fuckin thrift store but at least the store is for a good cause. i feel that if do something good for someone other than myself something good will come in return. karma basically. i dont believe in any religion but i believe in karma and i think its done me good so far. its 4:00 in the morning and im not tired as hell but i cant sleep but i gotta try. good night.MJ