im so tired of not having any friends.

i start to think that everybody hates me or something. im paranoid so i think they spread rumors about me and they just front when i come around or when they want something. i think im a good friend and i know that if they wanted to they can trust me so why dont they want to kick it? i know im not the one to be the first to make plans with somebody but usualy when i call they have plans with somebody i hate or their getting drunk. i hate alcohol so i definitly dont want to be around that.

im too shy to just go up to somebody and talk to someone. it didnt used to be that way untill i got with mike. im not saying he has anything to do with my anxity but hes always the one to take over the crowd.  hes so much more outgoing and free than i am. he can talk to anyone that walks our way. its embarrasing to me cuz i dont want to be noticed. but isnt that all i want? to be noticed and have lots of friends? God, please tell me what i need to do to so i can hopefully get out of my shell. or please send some good friends my way.

 MJ