ive been staying with mike and we got along most of the time but the rest of it was just fighting. same shit but a different day. i love him so much and i dont ever want to let him go but i cant take the fights. he makes me feel guilty for what ive done and thats why i started to cut myself again.  he says we should just forget about it but how are we gonna do that when he throws the shit in my face all the time. he says i bring shit up but why would i want to bring up anything i did if i was trying to forget about it? hes moving to Brookfield which is like 4 hours away from here and ive been thinkin about moving there with him. if i did we would have our own house and id have a garrunteed job, but i cant take this fighting. why cant i just let him go?even though were not together he still dont want me talkin to the Drummer Kidd. he tells me just to tell him that i dont wanna get with him which is NOT true. i like this kidd more than any other crush ive ever had. the only flaw i see in him is his teeth. but i find that i dont care about that and it scares me. thats how much i like this guy.   and i have to choose between him and mike.i need help... i know that all me and mike will do is fight like always but i never want to lose him...ever. and dustin makes me smile all the time but will it always be like that? thats my problem,  i dont want to make the wrong choice and i wont ever know what the wrong choice is if i dont do something soon. if i roll with dustin then mikes gonna hate me forever and i wont ever see him again but if i roll with mike, im gonna break dustins heart and thats the last thing i want to do. ive broke mikes heart before and it still hurts. i dont want another broken one over my head. but i dont want to go through the whole getting to know eachother hang either. thats one reason why i just wanna stay with mike. i mean what would happen if i got with dustin and it didnt work out? mike would throw that shit in my face and say i shouldve got with him instead. i dont know what the fuck to do. i hate life long decisions.                                                    <3 Mj