Torn

I am seriously torn. I don't know if I should throw in the towel or not. I know he loves me, NOW,...I know he's trying NOW...but, the damage is done. The damage has been done. without him threatening of him committing suicide...would I stay...I seriously don't know. I knew that I love him. However, I don't love him the same. At one point I could look at him and say he was mine. I loved him truly. I was deeply in love with him. All I EVER wanted was him. Now, maybe I've grown up, maybe I've experienced, maybe i"ve been hurt. IDK
I have to reconsider whether the pain that I"ve been feeling is worth it. I have to reconsider if the love I feel is worth it. Does his love for me make the pain go away...NO.... will it ever make it go away ...NO  .... however I linger, and I wait, and I support...him through this addicition, and I don't know if I'm strong enough. I don't know if the love I had during this time is strong enough. At one time, I would've done anything, would've given anything, just to have him. All I ever wanted was him. I couldn't understand why some one would hurt such a beautiful being. .....  Now, here I am. I am willing to do that.
I do not believe that I am strong enough to endure this for the rest of my life.