I dont know what it is, but i keep going back to Eli.  When all else fails, he's there to pick me back up.  He always goes and does his own thing when he knows i'm on one of my trips and he knows i'll be back.  He has been the most loyal to me.  He cheated on me when we were together when i lived out there like 6 years ago.  He says he didnt do anything with her, but i believe different.  I think a reason is why i go back to him is cuz i get the attention i'm craving from him.  I dont get that attention he gives from anyone else.  He's even sent me money to go see him.  I know theres problems with relationships and they're never perfect.   I dont see myself as settling when it comes to him.  He's going to school still to this day, working on becoming an electrician.  I know my biggest obstacle would be telling my parents that i was back together with him.  They hate the way he treated me when we were together.  His aunt and i have always been close.  We talked last night and thats what made me call him.  She said he's still waiting on me to see if i'll call him and what not, but he still does his normal routine.  I feel guilty when i dont talk to him cuz he takes it real hard.  For once i guess he hasnt.  For all i know he could be getting sick of the games i play with him.  I know he doesnt deserve it, in a way he does but i think i've gotten even.  Now i'm winning the hurt over him.  I'm the one hurting him now.  I need to quit being so wishy washy and figure out whether i want to go through more hardships with him.  I need to buckle down and move out there if thats what i'm gonna do.  I honestly dont care for a man who makes things too easy, then it gets boring in the relationship.  With Eli theres work that needs to be done.  I want to find out if he's changed or not, or if he's not as crazy as he used to be.  If that works out, then i'll tell my parents.  Until then i have to ride it out and see whats going on.